Silent Sentences
by Msblunt
Summary: Rose and Christian get closer to each other after they're forced to realize that the lives they dreamed and planned for themselves are not happening. Can they find happiness in each other or will they realize their broken hearts can't be mend? Original characters belong to Richelle Mead.
1. Chapter 1

I was staring at the water, salty breeze caressing my skin at the shore. It was a windy and dark evening at the beach a few minutes down from the house we were staying at. Lissa got the beach house from the Queen as a graduation present for a few weeks to stay here before having to go back to court. So right after the graduation ceremony we took off and got here to party and rest for a week.

But I knew life will never be this easy for me after the graduation. I was officially a guardian now, I had responsibility, I had to protect Lissa. Of course I had free time, as Lissa had other guardians too but I somehow gave up on wanting to have everything. I had to let Dimitri go. I had to accept that the moroi always come first. And I have to do my best and work hard every single minute to be enough.

I was so deep in my thoughts I only heard the approaching footsteps when they got really close to me. I turned around and saw Christian walking barefoot in the sand toward me. He stopped for a second, hesitating as if he didn't know if it was okay to get closer to me, but then resumed to walking.

Christian slowly moved closer to me, never taking his eyes off mine. I didn't even realize I was so cold until he took his jacket off and put it on my shoulders.

'Romantic much, Ozera?' I tried to joke but he just shrugged.

'You were shivering' he still stood only inches away from me but never fully closed the distance. His eyes were piercing through mine but remained the oh-so-cold blue they always have been.

It wasn't so long ago when I realized he had this side of him. He always remained the cool and closed guy he was but sometimes I felt like there was more to it. Something more between us. Like he felt something toward me I couldn't put my finger on. But these thoughts… I shouldn't be having them. He's my best friends's boyfriend. The boyfriend of a queen-to-be.

'We should probably go' I said and took off the beach.

He remained behind me for a few seconds before starting to follow me, like he had something to say that I prevented him in by leaving.

'Come on, I don't want you killed by a strigoi on my conscience' I knew it was almost impossible as the place was secured well and even if one strigoi got through the guardians Christian could take on his share pretty well. He had been training for quite long now having a lot of spare time, and to be honest he was good. He asked me to spar with him on some occasions and I had to admit he got fast, strong and well-toned for a moroi. He was always well built but he also got on some muscle – which I only noticed because we trained together sometimes. Besides, he was getting better and better using his magic for defensive purposes.

'I'd rather get killed by a strigoi then go back to that dull party'

'Maybe you haven't had enough to drink'

'Maybe I'm heavily drunk already'

'You seem to hold your liquor well'

'I take that as a compliment. But really, I think we should just stay here. Nobody's gonna be missing us anytime soon'

'Well, what about Lissa?'

'She's overly excited with all the esquire moroi around' he spat sarcastically.

'I sense some bitterness in your voice' I knew I should have had this conversation stopped already but I needed to know so much where it was headed.

'I don't know what to say'

'Anyway it's not my business' I said feeling like we really should get going. I turned around and started walking again.

'I think it's over' he said from behind me.

I stopped instantly but just couldn't bring myself to face him.

'I mean she must have told you something'

I was frozen. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't even move. What? Vasilisa Dragomir and Christian Ozera were the greatest couple I have ever seen. They were head over heels in love with each other. Maybe he was just too drunk. Yes, that's the only possible explanation – he was drunk, he had no idea what he was talking about.

'I'm sorry I brought it up. I just don't really have anyone to talk to here' he said.

I turned around then. He seemed really off. Not the I'm-gonna-drop-dead-I'm-so-sad off, but definitely like something wasn't right with him. I sat down on the sand looking at him expectantly.

He slowly came to join me and sat down beside me facing the water.

'All she cares about is titles and the responsibility that comes with it. And when she has some free time she spends it with Adrian practicing magic. It's not like she's not kind with me, but I'd been feeling neglected for a long time. And the bad thing about it is that I stopped feeling neglected. I still love her, I just… it's not that way anymore'

I wish I could say this came on me unexpectedly. But it had been a while since I started feeling similarly about my relationship with Lissa. But it wasn't her fault. I knew she still loved me. I knew she still loved Christian.

'Have you tried talking to her?' I asked finally.

'On a few occasions'

'And? Where did that get you?'

'I don't know. But did you really not notice anything about this? Isn't there something Lissa told you?'

'No, I mean, she... didn't tell me anything. I guess graduation just had most of our attention'

He fell silent for a long time. It wasn't awkward so I didn't try to break it. We just sat there in silence both of us deep in our thoughts.

'I really didn't want to pour this on you, I'm sorry' he said standing up and dusting the sand off his pants.

'No problem, Christian. I just wish things will work out for you' I answered.

He looked like this wasn't the answer he expected but then again who did he think I was to give him a different answer?

Then he suddenly came closer to me and hugged me. And in that moment it became clear to me why this whole conversation wasn't weird at all. I felt close to him. He must have felt the same. I couldn't really name what we were to each other but thanks to all the time we spent together I felt really close to him. And I completely understood what his problem was. He missed feeling loved and being passionate with someone. It just went away at some point while the person he previously felt these things for was still right next to him. It wasn't the same to what I had with Dimitri. Our relationship ended before it even started and he disappeared while I was still deep in love with him. It wasn't like nothing had changed beside my feelings, not like what Christian had. But I was sure Christian felt just as empty as I did. So I knew what it could be like.

I hugged him tighter before moving away from him.

'Now we should really get going'

'Yeah' he said not so convinced.

'Come on, I'll have a beer with you' I smiled and we started slowly walking back toward the house.


	2. Chapter 2

_Icy blue eyes stared at me unmoving. They weren't Lissa's and they weren't Christian's either. They reminded me of something warm like friendship and fun, but something was off about them. They were dull. Then I saw the whole face. It was Mason's. He was laying on the floor deadly still in a pool of his own blood. I stared at his face for so long. Then his lips started moving._

_'You did this to me, Rose' he said his eyes never meeting mine, remaining unfocused._

_I started screaming 'NO'. How could he say that? I tried to hurriedly back off from him fell gracefully on my butt hitting something with my shoulders._

_'Rose get up!' that someone behind me half yelled at me with a hint of worry in his voice._

_Wait, worry?_

'Rose, please wake up!' I heard, and the next thing I saw was Christian lightly shaking my shoulders leaning close to my face.

'I'm up, I'm up, I'm sorry I woke you' His room was right next to mine, he lived the closest to me on the second floor.

'It's okay' he said visibly more calmly 'I thought your nightmares went away while you slept in my room during the field experience'

Remembering the amount of times I woke him in the middle of the night with my screams still made me guilty.

'Seems like they came back with vengeance' I said sitting up in my bed, leaning back to the wall just like Christian positioned himself.

I hoped I woke nobody else, and probably that was the case as the party only ended a few hours ago and everybody was pretty wasted. I guess they slept through my screaming. As a matter of fact I wished Christian slept through it, but we didn't have that much to drink. Apart from the fact that I shouldn't have had him in my room on my bed, I was feeling instantly better thanks to his presence. Soon my panting eased up and the remaining pictures of the dream started to dissipate from my head. The bad thing about it was that now I was wide awake.

'Did you wake Lissa walking out of the room?' I asked.

'She's sleeping downstairs with Adrian' he answered getting me by surprise.

I looked at him questioningly.

'Guess they fell asleep on that couch' he shrugged.

I decided not to ask any more questions about it. Strangely enough, he didn't look upset or angry so maybe letting it go was the best option.

'Wanna grab something to eat?' I asked.

'Sure' he smiled at me, the change of subject was obviously comfortable for him too.

We got up and I put on a sweater onto my tank top and got my slippers on with my thick sleeping socks. Most likely I looked funny with only my shorts on my legs but Christian chose not to comment on it. Which was weird as he never missed a chance to pick at me.

'Something wrong with you, Sparky?'

'Hm? What? No, I was just thinking'

'About?'

'Was it about Mason?'

'Oh, that' I blurted out when I realized he was talking about my dream. 'It was. The usual, actually.'

'Wanna talk about it?'

'No, not really. It's nothing important actually. I'm sure they'll go away soon'

He didn't look convinced but remained silent.

I stepped behind the counter as we got into the kitchen and he hopped on a stool in front of me.

'So what can I get you, Sir?'

He had a troubled expression on his face.

'Something strong, Fireboy?'

'Yeah, actually. How about we have a whiskey, my Lady?'

'I thought we were gonna eat something'

'I'm not hungry, I just wanted your company. But you should eat something if you're hungry'

'That's funny, because I'm not hungry either just wanted to get out of that room' I laughed.

'We might as well drink something as we're here already. What about grabbing a bottle of whiskey and getting back out on the beach? I'd rather we don't have to whisper around wasted sleeping people' he chuckled.

'What an idea' I said my mood getting gradually better.

I grabbed a Jack Daniel's from the fridge and we got out of the house.

Not long after we settled in the sand he turned to me hesitantly.

'Rose, can I ask you something?'

'Sure' how could I resist his charming mysterious ways around people?

'Have you loved anybody since, since Mason…'

I didn't see that coming. I drank a few huge gulps of the whiskey and then handed him the bottle.

'Well, Mason and I… we were close, and…'

'I didn't mean to be indiscreet, it's not my business, I… you don't have to…'

'It's ok. Actually I gave Mason and myself a chance because he insisted and I really liked him. I loved him. I was just never in love with him' I looked him in the eyes. 'Please don't tell anybody. Since he died, people would think I…'

'I wouldn't tell anybody' he interrupted me strong-mindedly. 'I am just curious. You know I always thought you would be more passionate when in love. Maybe I was right. But not being in love with Mason is not making you any worse of a person. Nor does it make his death your fault.'

'Thank you' he handed me the bottle again and the next mouthful of whiskey burned down my throat making my mind more and more numb. 'I loved Dimitri'

Now that got him surprised.

'WHAT?'

'Yes, I fell in love with my mentor long before I dated Mason. And I tried to forget about him to fully give myself to Mason but it just never worked out'

'You were in love with Dimitri?' He asked again shocked, like he didn't understand what I said.

'Yes'

'But he left with my aunt'

'Yes' I sighed.

'But –'

'But nothing. We spent a lot of time together and I fell for him. He loved me too, but nothing ever happened. It could have never been'

'I don't know what to say' he sipped some whiskey and continued to stare at me disbelievingly.

'Me and Dimitri, we always knew that it could never happen. Especially not at court, not with the age difference, not while we had to protect the same people'

'Does he love aunt Tasha? Or is he just trying to move on like you did with Mason?'

That hurt. Him thinking I would use somebody like that.

'Now, that's exactly what I didn't want you to think. What I had with Mason wasn't in connection with this. I would have had to move on from Dimitri no matter what and I would have given a chance for myself to be happy with Mason anyway' I blurted out.

I wasn't sure if I was angry, sad or just frustrated by his accusation.

'I'm sorry. I was out of line. And you're right, I don't think you'd use somebody like that. It's just, if you two were so in love even when it's prohibited how could he leave you here? How could he leave? With my aunt? Is he using her?'

'First, just like I told you, me and Dimitri could have never happened. Under no circumstances. Leaving with Tasha was the best option he had. It must have been hard leaving like that but I don't think this means he disrespects your aunt. He liked her long before he knew me. They can love each other. They have a chance to be happy together. Why should he throw that away?'

He sat in silence for a while, considering all that he heard.

'How can you speak so calmly about it?' he finally asked.

'It took a long time to accept it. But I'm no longer devastated about my loss. I think I'm ready to move on with my life'

'Does Lissa know about it?'

'I'm not sure. I mean I never told her. If she suspects something… well, she never told me'

'How come you told me, then?' He looked utterly curious.

'I don't know. You asked. I trust you. Besides, I somehow expected your reaction to be normal. I'm not sure if that even makes sense'

'It does' he laughed 'I guess'

We just continued to sit there in silence. It felt amazing. I didn't know if the relief, that someone else knew it and didn't find me a bad person because of it or the fact that I ingested a respectable amount of whiskey was that made me so released, but something definitely did. For the first time in a long time I felt comfortable with myself. Like I wasn't constantly missing something that I have to desperately try to make up for. Like the place where I was was the place where I had to be. I felt prickles in my legs, and my head was dizzy. I felt like there was nothing wrong with my stray thoughts.

'Maybe we should get in the water' I heard him say. Ugh, probably he was just as drunk as I was. I looked at the whiskey and realised we finished the whole bottle. How cool!

'Come on, Rose, let's not miss the chance of swimming here' he stood up, offering me his hand.

'But I didn't get the chance to ask you about girlfriend issues yet' I chuckled.

'You know you know everything already' he said pulling me up, leaning dangerously close to me. He smelled amazing.

What? I didn't just think that, did I?

He pulled me closer to himself, leading me toward the sea, holding the small of my back.

I stopped abruptly, looking up at him.

'No, really. I need you to say something, so I won't feel so outspread in front of you after telling you so much'

'But I told you how I feel. About Lissa'

'And other girls?'

'What other girls?' he giggled 'The one night stands I had before her?'

'I don't know. Something meaningful'

'Lissa was the first to mean anything. After my parents… I… This was the first time I didn't feel alone'

He got so deep in thought. His face turned back into the blank expression I came to realize he had when he wanted to hide his feelings. I made him sad by forcing him to talk about it. I backed away from him, never taking my eyes off of his face. I felt so great this evening. I just couldn't bring myself to go back to being the oh-so-serious guardian who has no fun in her life. Not until I had to anyway in the morning. In that moment I knew I would do anything to make him carefree again. So I pulled my sweater off and dropped it next to my legs. I stepped out of my slippers and socks and smiled up at him.

'Now, whoever gets last in the water is a bloody strigoi' I giggled.

That instantly made a huge grin spread across his face. He dropped his t-shirt and started running into the cold water. And I followed him.


	3. Chapter 3

In any sober moment of mine I would never walk into such cold water willingly. But in that moment it felt like it was just what I needed. Christian was staring at me intently while I was walking toward him, and pulled me into him when I got in front of him. We were still standing on the sand, but a few more meters from the shore we would have had to start swimming. But that wouldn't have mattered either. All that mattered was his silky skin against mine in the sea, his intoxicating smell and his hot breath on my neck. He held my hand in one of his and was grazing the other one across my skin on my back. I wanted him so badly that only very little kept me from jumping onto him and start fucking him like animals. It was weird and funny at the same time how my drunk brain knew that anybody could have seen us if they walked in our direction from the house, but I couldn't have cared less. It just aroused me further.

'I need you so much' I heard Christian mutter against my skin and he left tender but in the same time passionate kisses on my shoulder.

I knew that what I was about to do was wrong and I also knew I needed it none the less. Who said I didn't get to feel happy from time to time? Who was going to stop me?

Well, maybe the guilt I was about to feel starting the next morning… But then again, I had coped with a lot worse things in my life. And it wasn't like I was ruining my best friend's relationship, right? It was already ruined… All the thinking was starting to get me confused. Am I a bad person for enjoying something that even my brain knows is wrong?

'Please be with me Rose, just once' he said and that chased all the crazy thoughts out of my mind.

I looked deep in his eyes and the next moment his lips were on mine in a heated kiss. His tongue entered my mouth without bothering about asking for permission, his hands were all over me arousing even further.

All this, the darkness, the water, the fact that anyone could catch us was so exciting, I got close to the top by the time he lifted me with his strong arms, holding me in an angle that made it easy for him to enter me. I didn't even notice the point where we left the remaining of our clothing.

I heard him moaning from deep in his throat so beastly that I could't stop myself from biting lightly into his neck. And that fueled him even more, making him return the favor without ever really hurting me with his fangs.

Then he started to walk out of the water with me still in his arms. My hands started their on adventure in Christian's hair and I whispered filthy things in his ear, making his hands bite deeply into my hips and holding me even stronger against his muscular body. Then his movements got lighter, signaling we got out of the water and suddenly I was laying horizontally on the sand with Christian on top of me. He entered a lot deeper into me like this, our wet bodies moving in complete unison. I never felt so excited and free in my whole life.

The night I spent with Dimitri was nothing like this time with Christian. Back then it was slow and lovely, but to be honest it never got me so aroused and released like this. Laying on the beach, I felt like I was continuously upward in some kind of spiral, feeling an increasingly intense need for release while at the same time enjoying this more and more by the second. Christian was moving fast and roughly in me, his harsh moans making me wonder where we would finally reach the top. Then he said my name, pushing me across it, and we climaxed at the same time exhaling each other's name. I lost control over my body, I lost the ability to move my limbs, I lost my thoughts all together, I was only able to feel joy and satisfaction while panting hardly. Christian fell next to me onto the sand seemingly feeling the same. My last thought was how beautiful the edges of the waves felt washing my skin on the sand before I fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up to blinding bright lights a few hours later. It took me a few seconds to realize where I was. Turning my head I was horrified to find out what the source of the pleasant warmth was at my side: it was Christian sleeping peacefully with his head on my shoulder.

'Christian, wake up' I whisper-shouted to him, getting out from under him abruptly, desperately trying to collect my scattered clothes.

'Oh my God' he said getting up, mirroring my actions. 'What time is it?'

'I don't know' I said hurriedly 'Let's just try to get back as soon as we can'

I just couldn't get rid of the bad feeling in my gut, chocking me mercilessly. I was right about one thing in my drunken state the previous night, I felt extremely guilty. How could I do that to my best friend? How am I gonna walk back in the house looking her in the eyes after what I've done?

'Calm down, Rose, it's gonna be okay' he said after getting dressed.

I stopped for a minute in my haste, willing my hands to stop shaking.

'It's not gonna be okay' I replied as calmly as I could manage at the moment.

'Let's just hurry back first, hopefully nobody is awake yet' he said, still avoiding to face the real problem.

We walked back to the house in silence, keeping an awkward distance from each other, we didn't stand as close as normal friends do but we didn't stand too far either, both of us needing some comfort from the other.

'Wait' I stopped a few meters from the house, grabbing his upper arm. 'What are we gonna say if they're already looking for us?'

'That we woke up earlier, as we didn't have that much to drink, and we didn't want to wake them so we went for a walk' he said implicitly.

He actually surprised me. I was sure he was at least as much on edge as I was, he never was the cheating type, and he loved Lissa, I was positive about that. So how could he be so calm and self-confident?

'Ok' I agreed, trying to calm myself as he did.

He gave me an encouraging nod and we stepped silently into the house, not knowing what to expect. I almost fainted from relief when I saw Lissa sleeping peacefully whith her head on Adrian's shoulder on the couch. Everybody else seemed to be sleeping too. But it was 8 in the morning, soon the far guards will turn their shifts and that'll wake everybody.

I decided to hurriedly go back to my room, take a shower and change my insufficient outfit. I felt Christian following me, until he grabbed my hand when we got to our rooms.

'Are you okay?' he asked looking uneasily into my eyes.

'I'm fine. Are you?' I asked awkwardly. I just wanted to get back to my room, to be alone, to have the chance to think about what just happened.

He nodded again and withdrew his hand from mine. Our eyes met for one last second before we parted and went to our separate rooms. I couldn't read his face in that last minute. It was blank again. I closed my door behind myself and hastily got out of my sandy and creased clothes, letting them fall to the floor in a trail behind me as I headed for the shower. Maybe he regretted sleeping with me. If there was one thing I was sure about, it was that I didn't regret it. Sure, I felt awful for doing this to Lissa, for going behind her back, but I still couldn't bring myself to regret sleeping with Christian. Though nothing is ever gonna be the same between the two of us, this was probably the most amazing night I had ever had. The extremely hot water felt divine against my skin, not because I wanted to wash his smell or his touch off of my skin but because I wanted something to distract me from these depressing thoughts. I loved last night. I wanted more of it. But I could never have any more of it. I could never have Christian again. Maybe he already hated me for what we've done. What if he considered me a whore after this? Who just has to drink some alcohol and gives herself to anybody? Why was I having these thoughts? All I wanted with last night was to ease my mind. To stop thinking about what could have been if Dimitri and I could have been together. It was only a one night stand. We drank too much, we had fun, but it's over and nobody has to know.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself. I went to my closet and picked out black skinny jeans with a simple white t-shirt. I wanted to look simple, I wanted to be unseen and comfortable the whole day. I was doing my hair into a braid when I heard loud knocking on my door. I looked once more in the mirror then went to answer it.

'Morning' said Lissa, with a huge grin on her beautiful face. That was just her, stunningly beautiful even when hangover.

'Morning' I tried to smile, it was as hard as I expected it to be.

'I remember you retiring early from the party last night, is everything all right?' she asked dropping onto my bed.

'Sure. I was just tired. Hmmm, what are we doing today?'

'I'm not sure yet. Maybe we should eat something and then the guys want to go hiking in the woods' she answered with gleaming eyes. 'Do you know where Christian is? I haven't seen him at the party much either' she said scolding me jokingly with her eyes.

'Oh, Christian. No. I didn't see him much last night either' I answered, trying to be as natural as possible.

She was silent for a long minute staring in front of herself.

'Rose, I think Christian doesn't love me anymore'

Now I was confused as hell. How was this possible? I thought everything was alright in paradise. I never noticed anything between the two of them.

'Why do you think that?' I asked joining her on the bed, not having to fake curiosity.

'I'm not sure. We spend less and less time together. We aren't so passionate anymore. Didn't you realize? I mean, being in my head from time to time and all?'

'No. I haven't spent as much time in your head lately' I tried to joke.

'I know I've been buried in my carrier plans lately, the university the queen wants, the dinners with the royal moroi... but I finally know that's what I want' she sighed. 'And that's what Christian doesn't want at all. I think we've been getting farther and farther away from each other' she said obviously sadly.

'Maybe you two should sit down and talk about it. Or spend some time together' I said. It was weird giving her advice and praying she wouldn't take it.

'I know, it's just... I still love Christian. But this is important for me' she said looking ashamed.

I really didn't want to talk about it. First who was I to give relationship advice, second I just slept with her boyfriend for Christ's sake. Also, this conversation was making me have stupid thoughts again, like what if they really broke up. But I knew I still wouldn't be with Christian even if that was the case. He never liked me the way I've come to realize I liked him now. Maybe he even disliked me since last night. And even if he didn't, we still couldn't do that to Lissa...

'I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But if you want to make it work with him, try to do something about that too' I said with finality, trying to stop this conversation.

I think she also felt like it wasn't a suitable conversation for this particular holiday morning and changed the subject with a huge grin out of the blue.

'So what are you wearing today?' she asked. I had no idea where she got all this enthusiasm from when talking about clothes.

'I was planning on wearing this' I replied looking down on myself.

But she wasn't even paying attention to me as she walked to my closet to choose me another outfit.

'You're coming in these' she said bouncing happily, holding out a pair of red shorts for me.

On a normal day I would have protested with all my strength. I didn't even know why I brought that piece of clothing along. But my thoughts were far away from my wardrobe in that moment and I just couldn't bring myself to care. So I accepted it from Lissa along with a sailor patterned shirt and went to the bathroom to change.

'I'll go grab a shower and change too' she shouted after me 'Meet me in the kitchen in 10'

* * *

The morning went by in a blur, and I welcomed the buzzing around me as all the residents of the house were walking around continuously, to get something to eat or to clean some of the mess from yesterday or to change clothes. Me and Eddie had to join a meeting with the other guardians to get our schedules for the rest of the day. Both of us had to stay with the moroi while hiking. Just. Great.

I somehow felt I wanted to stay away from Christian. I was afraid I would get unwanted answers to my questions just by looking him in the eyes. On the other hand this way I kept having the buzzing around me so I didn't have to stay alone with my disturbing thoughts like I would have had to if I got to be far guard.

'So what do you think?' I suddenly heard Eddie talking to me on our way back to the house.

'About what?' I asked not even trying to dissemble the fact that I wasn't paying attention.

'Dude, you really are not here with me'

'I'm sorry I was just thinking about the schedule' I lied.

'I was asking you about the jumping at the waterfall. But crazy as you are, maybe I shouldn't even ask. Just don't forget to bring your swimsuit along' he winked at me.

'Okay'

'Are you ready to take off?' Lissa asked us the moment we stepped into the house.

'Sure' we replied in unison.

'Ok, I'll just grab my backpack' she said and turned toward the rest of the people in the living room. 'We're taking off in five' she shouted and left hurriedly toward her room.

Mia, Andrian, Eddie and practically everybody I knew rather closely were already ready to take off and waiting in the living room. Except Christian. I couldn't spot him anywhere.

'Ill get my swimsuit' I announced and left for my room.

And when I opened the door to the room I froze for a second seeing Christian pacing in there. He looked at me with pale face and I had to force myself to be collected and hurriedly close the door behind me.

'I think we need to talk' he said stopping in front of me.

'Look, Christian, there's not much to talk about. It happened once, we were drunk and... well, nobody can ever know about it. Honestly I don't think I could ever forget about last night but obviously it can never happen again.' I said in a hushed voice.

'Rose, I was thinking about it. And I just can't bring myself to regret it.' he said with a serious expression on his face.

'I didn't regret it either. But what we did to Lissa is unforgivable.'

'I know. But I want to talk to her.'

'About what?' I asked shyly.

'I've told you. Our relationship is not working anymore.'

'And you don't even want to try with her?'

'Maybe I would if I knew we could have a future together. But we are so obviously going on our separate ways...'

'Ok. And what if you two break up? Think, Christian. We can never be together. If that's even what where this conversation is getting to.'

'Why not? I mean, I know it may seem like I'm rushing things or I'm being lunatic here, and I'm not saying we'll get together immediately but I really like you. We've been friends for a long time now, I enjoy spending time with you and last night was just insanely good.'

How things had gotten so out of hand I didn't know. I had many outcomes of last night playing in my head but the way Christian felt... this can't be real. And even if it was I had to stay reasonable. This can never happen. If our feelings won't stand in the way, then the fact, that Lissa is my best friend definitely will.

'Don't you feel guilty?'

'I do. Of course I do. But I... I want to be happy again. I don't wanna hurt Lissa. I still care about her. Maybe I always will. But I'll talk to her anyway. Maybe time will take care of things'

Maybe this wasn't as plain crazy after all. What if it could really work out if we were patient enough? We don't necessarily have to hurt Lissa in the process. Sure it would be weird but... what if for once I don't care if it's crazy and just give myself a chance to be happy. Dreaming about Dimitri was also crazy after all. And I didn't care at that time... But then again, I knew Lissa still loved Christian. Sure, she surprised me with what she said this morning but... Oh, my head, I was so confused.

'Let's just act like nothing happened last night.' I saw a distressed expression spread on his beautiful face. 'For now. Our first priority should be not hurting Lissa. And let's not rush into anything. We'll see how things are going down, okay?'

His face somewhat lit up again.

'Rose, I don't want to hurt Lissa, or rush into anything either. But I need you to say you feel the same way as I do' he said looking at me expectantly.

I was stupidly staring at him. It didn't seem like my feelings came on me just last night but I knew I hadn't been thinking about him in a romantic way earlier. I really hated him in the very beginning for Christ's sake. And look at me now. I slowly grew to like him as a friend and even started to be romantically attracted to him without even realizing. Without ever paying attention. It must have happened while I was getting over Dimitri and was so focused on that.

'I do' I said finally feeling guilty as ever and excited like last night at the same time.

He nodded and just stood there for a minute. I did the same, like we were silently considering this new situation. Then he stepped closer to me giving me a haggard but lovely kiss on my lips. I thought it was gonna end fast but he brought his hands up to hold my face and I couldn't help myself and hugged him close to me. We were getting more and more passionate. It had to stop. I tore myself away from him painfully.

'When are you planning to talk to her?' I asked panting.

His breathing was labored too when he replied at last. 'When we get back to court. I don't want to ruin this for her'

This was reasonable. I nodded.

'Okay. But we can't keep doing this behind her back.'

'We won't have to. It's just some time...'

I nodded again.

'We really should get going' I announced. 'I'll head out first and you should just listen to voices and come out if there's none.'

'Okay' he said but I was already at the door.


	4. Chapter 4

The group had been walking toward that waterfall for some time when I felt somebody jump on my back. I almost failed to stop myself from hitting that someone, and realized just in time it was Lissa.

'What are you doing?' I shouted at her maybe a little too harshly, but I couldn't help myself. Concentrating on keeping my distance from Christian put me on edge.

'Calm down Rose. Aren't you having fun?'

'Yeah, just you know, don't do that to a guardian.'

She simply let that go like she didn't even hear what I said. Instead she seemed to be withdrawn in her head.

'I miss you, Rose, you know. Since around the graduation we barely spent time together' she looked at me, checking if I was paying attention. 'I know it's mostly my fault. But with all the time I have to spend with the queen and getting ready for university and practicing magic with Adrian...'

I felt horrible hearing her what seemed like apologizing when I knew I did much worse by stabbing her in the back. Just right before taking off I was kissing her boyfriend and now she was saying how it's her fault we didn't spend as much time together. This was way beyond surreal.

'It's okay, Lissa. And it's really not your fault. You know how I was busy with the training and all, it's really not a problem. I mean, I miss you too but we'll spend more time together when things settle a bit. Besides, we just had a whole week of quality time here'

'Yeah' she smiled looking more cheerful. 'I hope this gonna be the case with Christian too. He seems a little off.'

That was exactly the subject I didn't want to get into. Luckily Eddie interrupted us with his loud shouting.

'We're here! We've found the waterfall' he kept yelling.

I grabbed Lissa's hand and pulled her close to the edge a little more enthusiastically than she would liked.

'Hey, stopstopstopstop' she said in a blur trying to slow me down.

'Come on, it's gonna be fun, let's jump' I replied never really thinking she'd actually dare to jump. She was never into such crazy things.

'Oh, no, I' she started.

'I'll jump with you' I heard Eddie say while most of the group already headed down on the rocky dirt road evading the fall.

'I think I'm up to trying something extreme too' Christian said joining us.

'Okay' I said, 'Can anyone take down our backpacks?'

'I'll take them' said Mia when she reached us and took our bags.

'Wait a minute till we get ahead, I want to take pictures' said Lissa and they took off.

I saw Adrian joining the girls helping them with our backpacks but soon they were out of sight hidden by trees and bines.

'I've been waiting for this the whole week, I don' think I can wait another minute' Eddie said and jumped off without thinking twice, yelling something I could't make out.

'Wanna go next?' Christian asked me.

'I'd rather you do. What kind of guardian leaves a moroi behind?' I asked him playfully.

'Okay' he said and then looked around us. For a second I was scared he was gonna do something stupid. 'Are you okay, Rose?'

'Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I be?'

'Whith Lissa and all'

'She's my best friend. I'm guilty as hell, but you know that. I can handle it.'

'Yeah, I just wanted to make sure' I had to admit he was cute when worrying about me.

'Don't worry, I'll live'

'I'm not worrying I just know Lissa can be way too much and that's on a good day' he mumbled.

'Of course you don't worry, who said that?' I picked at him. 'Now jump before the call us pussies'

He grinned at me and then stepped closer to the edge on a protruding rock and jumped off in a blink of an eye. I thought he was brave for a moroi. I stepped onto the same rock watching him splashing into the water until he sank so deep I couldn't see him anymore. The water was an exorbitant mixture of green and blue while amazingly clear and transparent. I saw the rest of the group arrived to the small lake at the bottom of the fall and was watching us jumping. But I didn't want to rush. I enjoyed being alone and seeing them at the same time. I enjoyed not hearing them though. On top of that rock and the waterfall, in the middle of the woods and surrounded by plants with colors not even the Windows can mix I felt calm and in control of my life. I know I had to memorize this feeling, as I was about to be lacking it soon.

'Jump already' I heard someone shouting from under me and I wasn't someone to kill the buzz. So I jumped off.

* * *

We were chilling side by side with Lissa and Mia, most of the guys were in the water playing ballgames, some others were drinking and listening to music near us. This was the ideal ending to this holiday week and as much as I enjoyed staying here I also missed the routine I got accustomed to at court. Most people would probably think I'm crazy but I felt like too much was changing around me.

'Paul, what the hell are you doing, come up' I heard one guy shouting to the other in the water and I -being the paranoid I was- sat up to see what was happening.

One of the guys was staying underwater for too long. Vampires were able to hold their breath longer than humans but that was way too long for a moroi. I stood up and started walking in their direction when a male strigoi surfaced from the water.

'Get out' I shouted to the guys while rushing to the scene. 'Start running back to the house' I ordered looking back to Lissa 'Eddie go with her' I yelled in yet another direction.

As I was running inelegantly in the water my heart raced as I couldn't spot Christian. I was still frantically searching for him when the strigoi launched himself on me trying to hit me anywhere he could manage. I was doing my best dodging his hits, our wet hands slipping off off each other.

'Rose' Eddie shouted toward me and when I had one second to turn away I looked at him. He threw a stake to me, which I caught with my left hand and almost dropped it immediately as the strigoi managed to hit my shoulder hardly.

I started slapping him to distance him from myself to get a chance and stab him, but to no avail. Then his face lit up and relief flooded through me knowing Christian was at least well enough to help me. I soon had the chance to stab it and when I was sure it was dead I let it sink in the water. I looked around to see Christian fighting a female strigoi to my left but I had to check on Lissa before I could go anywhere. I hoped with all my heart he could fight off his share as he did on trainings. To my right I saw Lissa, Mia and Adrian rushed in the direction of the house by Eddie on the path they came down. The far guards already reached us and were fighting two other strigoi further away from us. So I rushed to Christian ordering him to step back. I kicked the strigoi in the stomach from the side and slapped her hard when she tried to face me. Her anger seemed to be fueled by this and she came at me with full force, managing to hit my already injured shoulder once.

'Now' I called to Christian at the top of my lungs and the strigoi's hands were lit on fire. I took the opportunity and stabbed her as hard as I could then let her fall down to my legs.

I looked around again and saw everything settling down as no more strigoi were in sight.

'Are you alright?' I eyed Christian worriedly, hoping he wasn't too beaten up. He seemed fine though.

'I'm okay, you're the one who's bleeding' he said coming closer to me.

I looked down at myself and saw a mixture of water and blood trailing down my arm that held the stake.

'It's okay, most of it isn't my blood' I lied. I wanted to make sure everybody's safe before I take care of that.

'Let's call Lissa, she'll heal you'

'No' I interrupted him 'I'll have time for that later' I said still eyeing his fit body looking for any sign of him being hurt.

'Calm down, I'm really fine' he said noticing my anxiety. 'It's you who was reckless running into the water without your stake'

'I'm a guardian, Christian. If in that moment all I could do was deflect the attention of that strigoi with myself then that's what I had to do. On the other hand, you are a moroi. And when you see a strigoi, you're supposed to run the hell out of there and not stay there acting on your pyromaniac tendencies' I said even harsher than I intended.

'I had to help. What if something happened to you?'

'You don't get the point! I'm the one who has to protect you, not the other way around. If I tell you to get out of the water, you get out of the water. If I have to die saving you, then I die saving you'

'You don't understand. I had to help. That's what we trained so much for. I can't let anything happen to you. Not because of what we are. I don't give a damn if you're a moroi or a dhampir, I just can't let you get hurt' he said rather fervently than angrily.

'This is why it's not a good idea' I said forcing myself to hit a calm tone while concentrating on not to say what the 'it' actually was. There were people around us after all.

'Is everything alright with you two?' A black dressed woman stepped close to us.

'Yes, guardian Miller, Rose just saved my life' Christian said confidently.

'It was a nice catch, Hathaway' she said and was out of sight in a second again.

I stepped back from Christian a little.

'I didn't mean to be harsh on you, I was just afraid something happened to you' I said after I calmed down somewhat.

'Same goes here' he said looking at me.

I nodded and took off to find Lissa and the rest of the others.

I found them a few minutes later, they were deeper in the woods next to the dirt road that took us to the lake. Luckily they were alright apart from being a little shaken up.

'You're beleeding' Lissa said coming closer to me 'Let me help' she put her hand on my shoulder and I was instantly feeling better.

'Thank you'

'Of course. Is Christian okay?' she asked visibly concerned.

'Yes, he's back at the lake, he doesn't have a scar' I replied trying to cheer her up.

She nodded but didn't move to actually go and check on him. I found that weird but decided to blame it on shock. I saw Adrian coming toward us.

'So what are you girls drinking?' he asked. I wasn't sure whether he was serious or not. Leave it to Adrian to keep partying and drinking after something like this.

'How about something really strong when we get back?' I said earning wondering looks from Lissa and Mia. 'Though I'll talk to the guardians first. Stay here' I ordered them and left.

The far guards were staying to secure the scene and investigate how four strigoi just appeared out of the blue while we got to take back the moroi.

Soon we got back to the already secured house in relative silence and everybody evaporated to their rooms to take a nap or drink some blood from the bloodbags they brought or to already pack to our way home the next morning. I saw Christian embracing Lissa to himself as they headed back to their room, he didn't even glance at me. I knew she was his girlfriend and I knew he still cared for her even if everything he said to me was true. But it didn't feel good seeing them like this. And I didn't even had the right to think that. I decided to go to sleep, being up the whole week according to moroi time and then still be up at my days and nights because of my shifts were finally taking their toll on me. This was the first time since the field experience when I had to live and think according to their time which was the exact opposite to ours and I was tired. I went up to my room and fell abruptly on my bed with my still slightly wet clothes on. I fell asleep almost immediately dreaming of green waters and stolen kisses and worried blue eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning I woke up to a terrible headache, feeling more tired than when I went to sleep. I decided a hot shower and a big breakfast should help and headed to the bathroom.

The whole house was a bustle of packing people. Everyone seemed almost depressed for having to travel back. I, on the contrary, couldn't help myself but feel relieved for not having to be locked up with the relationship of Lissa and Christian anymore. It made me feel unwanted. I knew that Christian would never make me feel bad on purpose, and honestly I didn't even understand myself. I shouldn't have felt bad looking at them. It shouldn't have upset me when they looked happy together. But it did every time I took a glance at Christian comforting Lissa after last night's events because it made me doubt everything he told me.

'Everything alright, Little Dhampir?' Adrian asked from behind me and I was grateful for the distraction.

'Of course. I'm just thinking about my guardian duties for the way back' I made up quickly.

'Ok' he said skeptically. 'Then why does your famous appetite seem to be missing?'

'Oh, it's just... I... I've already ate a lot' I lied finally. It didn't look like he believed me but he chose to let it go.

'When exactly are we taking off?'

I checked my phone and looked up at him.

'In a quarter actually, so I'm gonna head up to my room and get my things' I said jumping off the stool.

'Can we talk later?'

'Sure' I replied. I didn't have any idea what it could be about though. 'Is everything okay?'

'Yes. It's... it can wait'

'Okay' I nodded placing my dirty plate and mug in the sink and washed them quickly before I headed back up to my room.

It took me only five minutes to pack up and I rushed to the bus to take a seat far from where Christian and Lissa would to sit.

Only my plan didn't work as I heard Christian and Lissa catching up with me right when I walked out the door.

'Where's the big rush?' I heard Lissa asking from behind me cheerfully. 'Why so eager to leave this holiday behind?'

'What are you talking about?' I questioned with fake jauntiness.

'You were always so deep in your thought, you didn't seem to enjoy the whole thing'

'Come on. I enjoyed it. It was the first time I really had responsibility though, and... and I know it makes me a little too serious sometimes.'

'Okay' she said looking at me investigatory. 'What about hanging out a little when we get back, then? I want to spend some time with you. Just the two of us. I really miss old times.'

I could understand what she was saying. I missed us too. Only I knew that our relationship could never be the same. Though this knowledge made me miss her none the less. Sure I knew this holiday was to release the steam but it's not the same when I have to be guarding her at the same time. Also, talking about personal things required us to be alone so we wouldn't get interrupted by the others. So in truth, we didn't really get a chance to talk.

'I miss them too' I agreed 'What about a movie night tomorrow?'

'That'd be great'

* * *

The way home and the day after that went by uneventfully. I didn't even meet Christian and came across Lissa only once. I was glad I didn't have to be with Lissa inside the wards all the time. I had to settle in my room again and go to guardian meetings and train a lot. My daily routine meant a great comfort to me and being physically tired from the training calmed down my nerves too. It was like I was back to the real world. Like what happened during the holiday was just a weird daydream.

I was drying my hair with a towel when someone knocked on my door. I went to open it thinking it was too early for Lissa to arrive, as she had practice with Adrian.

'Where have you been?' Christian greeted me hastily getting into my room. I shut the door behind him as fast as I could recover from my initial shock. I didn't expect to see him, especially not here. 'Are you okay?'

'Hello to you too. I didn't know you'd step by'

'I was wondering if that thing even happened between us during the holiday.' He said ignoring my sarcasm.

'You were wondering?!' Ironic...

'I didn't mean to distance myself from you. It's just... I wanted to talk to Lissa and come tell you how it went, but she was so shaken up by the unfortunate end of our travel, I just couldn't bring myself to tell her.'

'Gosh, I feel like I'm becoming one of those pathetic women that are waiting for a married man to divorce...' I said humorlessly laughing at our situation.

'Rose, don't be like this. I'll just talk to her when she gets back from that university she has to check tomorrow and then it'll be only time...'

'Wait, what university?'

'She hasn't mentioned it to you? The queen sent her to check out a moroi university in Boston. She might have to enroll to that one' he said uneasily.

'Oh. I guess she'll tell me about it tonight then.' I decided to let this go, we had more important things to discuss.

'Okay. So, I just wanted to make sure everything is okay between us. I don't want to pretend with you like it never happened. That probably was the single most amazing night of my life'

That melt my irritation away. I knew it was uncalled for anyway, but I couldn't help myself. The thought of Christian using me was stubborn not to leave my mind.

'I don't want to pretend either.' I replied finally. He didn't deserve my anger, he deserved me assuming he told me the truth.

He gave me a small kiss on the lips and started backing toward the door.

'So are we training together tomorrow morning?'

I nodded smiling at him.

'Be at the gym at 7 a.m. sharp.' I warned him with fake dourness.

'Yes, Ma'am' he said playing along and left my room.

After he left my mood was significantly better. I flat ironed my hair, put on a comfy floral dress and put out my nail polish collection for the time Lissa comes. I knew this wasn't right, pretending to still be the friend she deserves, but that was my only option. I loved Lissa. I knew what I did was unforgivable but I wasn't worried about myself. It's not the right thing to lie, but I didn't want to hurt her. If all that Christian and Lissa told me were true there was a great chance they would split up. So there was no need to hurt her further by saying something that isn't affecting the adventure. It still wasn't normal to get together with my best friend's ex, but time could show me if that's possible or not. I just didn't want to do anything irreversible.

And my brain knew this was the less harmful option. But that didn't mean I wasn't feeling incredibly guilty.

I was picking out a few DVDs for her to select one when she stormed into my room without knocking.

'Finally, I thought this day was never gonna end' she announced jumping on my bed. 'Are we gonna watch a movie?'

'We can if you'd like to. But choose something that doesn't require so much concentration, I'd like to talk to you'  
'Uh oh, that sounds serious' she said her cheery tone somewhat gone.

'Christian mentioned you leaving for Boston'

Her face went completely blank, it was obvious she wasn't happy about it. But as she was planning to leave tomorrow, I had to ask.

'The queen wants me to check out the university there. She wants me at royal court'

I nodded.

'Why didn't you tell me? Am I not supposed to go with you as your guardian?'

'I was planning on telling you now. Tatiana wants Eddie to come with me, because she wants no one to influence my decision, and you are my best friend who happens to dislike royal moroi. Just like my so called boyfriend.'

'Hey, it's gonna be okay' I said realizing even Lissa was frustrated about this. I felt excitement and intense anxiety rolling through the bond.

'I told it to Christian. He didn't seem like he'd even consider coming with me if I choose that university.'

'Have you actually asked him?'

'No. You know how he gets...'

'Yeah, but he's already put up with a lot for you'

'I think it's not like that anymore. Ha wants to stay here, that much is obvious.'

'What do you want?'

'I don't want to make any kind of decision until I find out for myself what that college is like. But I'm excited about it. You know it's important to me'

'I know' I sighed. I didn't want to bring up the question what our friendship will be like if she leaves. I would have to leave too, that's not a question. But would I want to? And if I didn't could we still be friends? Maybe she was partly anxious about that too.

'Do you want me to polish your nails?' I asked and that made her happier immediately.

While I was painting her nails she was talking about how unsure she was about Christian, how she didn't want Tatiana to push her into things she didn't want to do and how important it was for her to study law and history at a great college... which should be royal moroi...

Then she asked the question we could never skip. Why did life hate me so much?

'And, is there anybody you like?' she popped looking at me waggishly. 'You seem to be edgy nowadays... Maybe it's because of a guy...' she guessed hopefully.

'No.'

'Oh, come on Rose. It's time for you to be happy after Mason. And it'd do you good to spend time with a guy...'

'Maybe. But I have to train and other things... I don't have the time'

'Oh, excuses' she said jokingly.

Apart from the guilt that was always present I felt pretty released with Lissa, we did need the time together. I couldn't remember the last time I laughed so much. We ended up drinking some champagne and talk some more about the university stuff then we both fell asleep on my bed holding each other's hand just like when we were kids.

* * *

I woke up early the next morning finding a note on my bedside table. It read '_Have a nice day, I'll call you when we land in Boston. Love, L_' and was written in Lissa's beautiful calligraphy. I checked the time, and hurriedly left for a shower. Then I got dressed in a black tank top and black yoga pants. I still had twenty minutes to get to the training with Christian so I grabbed an orange juice and decided to put on a light makeup.

By 7 a.m. I was at the gym, changing my shoes on one of the benches at the wall. And then waited. And waited, as Christian never showed. It was 7:20 when I decided he won't show up at all and I went for a run instead.

I ran far outside the court wards and was getting tired, but my anger still fueled me. Maybe he overslept. That's just plain frustrating, because I told him to be on time. Or what if he did this on purpose? To have time to say goodbye to Lissa on his own. Or he realized our thing wasn't a good idea after all, I'm nothing like Lissa. Or he simply forgot about me. I tried to run even faster to clear all these accusatory thoughts from my head but they just kept on coming. There was a small voice in the back of my mind though, that said there might be something wrong with him. So I decided to check on him later.

After a great three hours of running I was getting back to my room thinking I should really check on him later, even if I just get to tell him off for oversleeping. However I felt better without the dark ideas that were running through my head before. Physical requisitioning always did that to me, calmed me down and gave me strength to suppose the best about people. It helped me be less negative and more patient.

I opened the door to my room, already daydreaming about a hot shower when I saw someone tall sitting on my bed. I closed the door behind me but didn't take one step forward. Am I going crazy? This was just hallucination. It had to be.

'Hello Roza' Dimitri greeted me turning around to stand in front of me. He looked as good as ever, maybe even better than I remembered him. His tone and expression was well-balanced and all in all he seemed happy. Of course he should be a lot happier with Tasha living far away from court.

'I didn't know you were coming' I said a little harsher than I meant to.

'The spring ball is next week and Tasha wanted to come a bit earlier' he explained. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you in advance, in fact I'm sorry I barged on you, I don't intend to invade' he said overly politely.

'You don't. Just surprised me'

'You look beautiful' ha said in a hushed voice after a moment of silence.

That got me on edge immediately. Why bothering to say something like that to me? Is he trying to make me hurt again on purpose?

He noticed my unease and stood a little back from me.

'Anyway I just wanted to see you. I needed to come here first right after we arrived.'

'I really missed you' I heard myself saying without really meaning to say that out loud.

'I missed you too Roza' he said stepping closer to me again 'You have no idea how much I missed you every day' he put a stray lock of hair behind my ear 'I still love you' It was all too sudden and too much, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I was just staring at him mouth agape. Is this real?

Then on top of all he said he leaned even close to me and kissed me passionately. Saying I was shocked is an overstatement, but I rendered after a few seconds. Then I got the feeling that this feels utterly wrong. Not the way it felt wrong with Christian, this kiss felt wrong from the inside. The sensation itself was heavenly, of course, we're talking about a Russian god here, but still, I was shocked and embarrassed. I broke myself away from him, untangling myself from his arms, and letting go of his hair. Where did I even start using my hands?

'I know it was even harder for you staying here where a lot of things could remind you of me but you had to know that. I never seized loving you' he continued, like this was an explanation to his anterior actions.

'I...'

'You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that and I wanted to tell you that the next one and a half weeks are going to be hard with me around again. I hope I can keep myself from doing something stupid before we head back'

Wait, what? Did I just imagine our previous kiss? That hurt. If anything more happened between the two of us it would be 'stupid'? So why coming in here? Why this movie-like surprise in my room, him telling me how he missed me and still loved me while it just makes things unbearable again? Why did he kiss me? Why did he think he can use me like this?

'I didn't mean to confuse you' Wow, was I so obvious? 'Would you like to grab lunch after you shower?' he proposed.

'Sure' I said forcing myself to calm down, no harm in just talking to him, right? Maybe I'll understand more.

'Meet me in half an hour in the cafeteria then.'

'Okay' I said with fake cheerfulness and watched as he left my room.

Twenty minutes later I emerged from the bathroom with my hair did up - I didn't want him to think I was trying too hard and even let down my hair the way he likes it. I put on skinny jeans with a floral shirt, nothing too extraordinary, and I kept my makeup light to be in sync with the rest of my outfit.

He didn't say anything shocking in the cafeteria like he did in my room. We talked about our lives since he left over lunch and I was glad for that. Whatever happens to us, he'll always be an important part of my life and I'm happy to know more about him. And he told me a lot about his time with Tasha while asked me a lot about my time back here. Obviously I "forgot" to mention Christian, but it wasn't conspicuous as we never really got to the relationship subject. We spent almost two hours talking and it had a great affect on my mood. Getting to be oblivious and cheerful around him was always great, only our previous encounter was still playing over and over in my head.


	6. Chapter 6

I was heading back to my room when I realized I forgot to check on Christian. But who could blame me? The love of my life, who I had been desperately trying to forget was suddenly back to my everyday life. He just walked back in saying he still loved me and that we still couldn't be together but that changed none of his feelings. I didn't know what to feel right then. If anything, I wanted back the time I spent with Christian. At least then I felt like I was over Dimitri and finally ready to move on with my life, maybe even ready for a relationship. Then he comes back, reminding me how I felt when I loved him, when all I wanted was to be with him, when I was thinking about how we could be in a relationship without the reproving of the court. But in the long time that passed since then I kept up I had no control of this part of my life. And I will never have enough influence to make us happen, no matter what I do. I finally accepted that.

What I honestly didn't expect was the reappearance of Dimitri confusing me so much I even forgot to step by and ask Christian why he didn't show up at training in the morning. Which was weird, as I thought I could count on Christian a lot more than on Dimitri. I could even say he became a more important part of my life.

I stopped at his door knocking loudly. He didn't answer for a time that seemed pretty long for my impatient brain. Therefore I knocked again, even louder this time. Nothing. Maybe he was sleeping? Or went out? Or maybe he just didn't want to talk to me for some reason. I leaned closer to the door in hopes of hearing something. First, I didn't catch anything but then I espied a retching sound coming from the room. I tried opening the door, but it was locked.

'Christian, are you okay?' I yelled in but got no response.

I decided to get to the reception and ask for the spare key to his room. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with guilt. What if he didn't show up at the gym because he wasn't feeling well, and I got so angry with him. Then I made out with my ex-love-of-my-life behind his back (not that he didn't have a girlfriend, but we promised things to each other) and almost forget to check on him today.

I managed to talk the receptionist into giving me the key and rushed back to his room feeling more and more scared. What if something was seriously wrong with him?

I opened the door and saw nothing but a huge mess in his usually tidy room, clothes thrown all over the floor, bed unmade. Then I heard a noise from the bathroom, and soon found Christian laying on the cold tile floor, next to the toilet, leaning against the wall. His face was incredibly pale and he had huge black circles under his eyes.

'Oh, my god, what's wrong with you?'

He gave me an unintelligent mumbling answer I couldn't understand and could only hope things weren't as bad as they seemed to be.

'Are you done throwing up?' I asked deciding to take matters into my own hands.

He nodded weakly but otherwise made no sign of planning to get up.

'Let's get you off the floor then' I said, lacing my hands under his armpits and raising him off the floor.

I somehow managed to get him on his bed and took a pillow under his head. That's when I felt how hot his skin was.

'Christian, I need you to tell me what happened to you'

He mumbled something low again, I couldn't make out one single word from it though.

'Okay, then we need to get you to the infirmary'

That got his attention. He started protesting as hard as he could manage which reminded me more of a six-year-old's whimpering than a grown man's conflict.

'Alright, stop fighting me' I ordered restraining his hands 'I'll get a thermometer first. Do you need blood?'

He shook his head no.

'Why not, Christian? Blood is supposed to make you feel better. When was the last time you fed?'

'Don't know' he muttered.

'What should I do to help then?' I asked, not quite hoping for any useful answer.

But really, what was I supposed to do? Vampires barely got sick, and guardians were only trained to handle injuries, not sickness. What if this was as serious as it seemed? I was supposed to get him to the infirmary, but why didn't he want that? Gosh, I had no idea what to do.

'Okay, hang in there, I'll be right back' I said eyeing him thoroughly once more, noticing his slight shivering despite of the normal temperature of the room. I grabbed his blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped him soundly before leaving the room.

It didn't take me long to find Dimitri in the gym.

'Hey, Comrade. Sorry to interrupt, but I need your help' I shouted from across the room.

He stopped sparring immediately and started off toward me leaving his foe behind without a word.

'Is something wrong, Roza?'

'Do you know any doctor personally? I need a doctor for one of my friends, I think he's sick and he doesn't want to go to the infirmary' I cluttered.

He eyed me suspiciously for a minute.

'I still think you should take him to the infirmary. Maybe he's not coherent enough to know...'

'He's not the kind to mess around. I don't want to risk anything' I said interrupting Dimitri 'He might have his reasons'

He nodded with an unreadable face.

'Which room?'

'What?'

'Which room should I take the doctor to?'

'Oh, Christian Ozera's room' I said already taking off.

'We'll be there as soon as we can' he called after me.

I collected a few things on my way back and opened the door to Christian's room hoping I would find him where I left him. But when I got in, he was in the bathroom again, retching painfully over the toilet. I got next to him only to find him trembling even more than when I left him. He was puking up bile as there was nothing else to come up.

I stepped to the sink, watering a towel and held it against his sweaty forehead. He tried to push me from there, mumbling something I could only make out as 'Go away'. Not a chance.

I was stroking circles against his back hoping to calm him down somewhat.

'Better?' I asked.

He nodded and flushed the toilet, trying to stand up. He swayed dangerously on his feet though, and would have fallen back on the floor if I didn't catch him.

'Thank you' he said so weakly it was breaking my heart.

He stumbled then to the sink and rinsed his mouth.

'Let's get you back to bed' I told him 'I should check your temperature'

He started walking toward his room once more and dropped onto his bed in obvious pain.

'Where does it hurt?'

'Just my head and my stomach' he replied almost inaudibly.

'Open your mouth' I ordered, sticking a thermometer under his tongue and waited silently until it beeped.

I couldn't stop myself from cursing when it finally did.

'104.03' I read out loud. 'A doctor will be here any minute'

'What?' He whined trying to get up, but I restrained him easily.

'You said I can't take you to the infirmary, but this won't just go away by itself' I explained wrapping him in the blanket once more.

Then I went back to the bathroom and emerged with another icy wet towel. I started wiping at his face.

* * *

Half an hour passed and Dimitri was nowhere with that doctor. Christian's shaking was getting worse by the second and I was getting more and more frightened.

'Hey, Christian, please tell me how can I help?' I asked, but he was unresponsive.

Why didn't I get here sooner? If I wasn't so caught up in my head, maybe he wouldn't have gotten so bad.

I went to wet the washcloth again when I heard soft knocking on the door and rushed to open it.

Dimitri and a man in his early forties -who looked nothing like I doctor- entered hurriedly and without a word. The doctor went to Christian immediately checking his pulse and his temperature.

'It was 104.03 half an hour ago, but he's been shaking increasingly since.' The casual dressed man looked at me still holding an unresponsive Christian's wrist 'He threw up a few times but nothing really came up. Hmmm... that's kinda all I know'

The doctor nodded and turned back to check Christian's pupils too.

'We came as fast as we could' Dimitri stated standing back with me 'He's Tony by the way, worked at the court infirmary earlier, patched me up dozens of times'

I nodded gratefully but giving an intelligent answer wasn't in me at that moment. Then Tony turned to look at me.

'When was the last time he fed?'

'Hm... I don't know' I said stepping closer. And thinking about it I really didn't remember the last time I saw him eat.

'Vampires rarely get sick' he said finally. 'What I think is most probable is that he hadn't fed for a long time. I don't know for what reason, but it made him weak and this way he got infected with some kind of virus.'

'We were on a holiday near Cape Verde last weak' I said, saying everything out loud that could help.

'That explains it. I didn't think he got infected here in court. I heard you were attacked by strigoi'

'Yes, we were'

'Strigoi can be dangerous, as they are capable of bearing infections while they definitely never get sick'

'What can I do?'

'I don't think the infection itself is really dangerous, but of course I can't say anything for sure without examining him further in a hospital. But for now, I think if we're able to get his fever down and get blood in his system, he'll be able to fight it.'

'And what if we can't?'

'Then we'll have to take him to the infirmary in the morning. But for now, let's concentrate on making him better.'

I was glad he was so understanding about not taking Christian to the infirmary right away. But I got so scared already that I changed my mind and thought that maybe we should have.

'I'm gonna have to go now. I'll leave you some medicine that are really strong. Give it to him only when he's really bad off and give him maximum 3 pills all night. You should get at least two packs of blood and make him drink them when he's coherent enough. I'll also leave you my number. If things get out of hand or you have questions call me.'

I was staring at him concentrating hardly.

'I'm sorry I have to leave, but, I'll come back in the morning' he said, and when I still didn't react he touched my shoulder reassuringly. 'It's gonna be alright'

'Rose' We all turned in unison watching Christian intently.

I stepped closer to the bed and nodded one last time at the doctor before sitting on the edge of the bed and taking Christian's hand in mine.

'I'll go get the blood' I heard Dimitri say and he left the room with Tony.

'Rose' Christian mumbled again.

'Yes, I'm here'

'I love you Rose'

I think I didn't get that right. Or he was just so out of it, I don't know. I was just so so so glad he didn't say that while Dimitri was still in the room.

That little sentence warmed my heart. I knew it couldn't be true, but it still made me happy somehow.

'It hurts' he said getting my attention back.

I retrieved the washcloth from the bathroom and decided to give him one of the pills Tony left.

'Christian, I need you to swallow this tablet, It'll take away at least some of the pain' I said raising his head a little.

He obeyed surprisingly. I sat back on the bed and returned to wiping his face trying to cool him off. The pill must have taken affect really fast because he seemed to relax and fell asleep.

Dimitri entered the room without knocking a few minutes later, holding a few packs of blood.

'I'll just put it here' he said taking them onto a table.

I turned to him still sitting on the bed.

'Thank you' he nodded 'for everything'

He didn't say anything for a long time just stared at me in silence.

'You like him' he said with finality in his voice. It wasn't a question and he didn't sound accusing either. It was more like he was putting up with something he just realized.

I didn't know how to answer. In that situation it probably became obvious for someone I loved before, so there was no point in denying. But I couldn't confirm it either, as Christian was officially still in a relationship with Lissa.

He was just standing there for a few more minutes watching me and I was sitting there facing him. None of us talked though as he decided not to push the topic.

A few more minutes later he told me to call him if there was anything wrong and left the room. It didn't feel like he was hurt or angry, maybe he just understood there was no point in talking about this or that this was not the when-and-where to do it. I turned back to a still sleeping Christian.

* * *

_'I was always the rebound guy to you, right?' Mason asked me sadly._

_'No, that's not true' I tried to reassure him but he didn't seem to hear._

_I stepped closer to him but he was still staring at the distance, seemingly to the spot where I was standing before._

_'I was happy in Spokane. You would've been too if you really gave us a chance.'_

_'I'm sorry if you feel this way, Mason. But you were always so close to me, you, of all people should know how I felt'_

_'That's it Rose, I think you just wanted to show everybody that you are capable of being with a guy more seriously. And by show everybody I mean show it to one person in particular'_

_I heard someone gasp. I looked around for someone else but there was just the two of us, and it started to freak me out that Mason wasn't even directly looking at me. Then I heard the gasp again. And again._

I opened my eyes to Christian shaking more than ever. I stepped closer to the bed and touched his forehead. He was sweaty and extremely hot and his whole body was trembling from feeling cold. I debated calling Tony or giving him another pill. I looked at my phone, it was only two hours ago that I gave him the first one. But then again, what was I supposed to do? If I put a wet washcloth on his face he'll feel even colder. If I wrap him in blankets I may make his fever worse.

When he started moaning I decided on behalf of the blankets. I got one spare blanket from his wardrobe and later went to my room to get one more. But nothing changed. I was out of my mind with worry, all I wanted was him to feel better.

I raised all the blankets and lay under them, Christian's back against my stomach. I hugged him close to me, stroking circles on his arms as we laid on our sides. I didn't really know if I was helping with my body heat or just calming him down, but I was so concerned, I didn't really care, I just wanted him close to myself.

'It's gonna be okay. You'll be okay' I whispered in his ear, not louder than his labored breathing.

We laid there like this for a long time and I felt his shivering elapsing really slowly. When it was mostly gone I fell asleep too.

This time I had no nightmares.


	7. Chapter 7

The next time I woke up I felt extremely overheated and could hardly move. It took me a few seconds to come out of my disoriented state and realize I was laying under three blankets... and tangled in none other than Christian Ozera's arms. I couldn't help but stare at his beautiful face from this close, he seemed relaxed and peaceful while still sleeping, though when I stroked his face it was still too warm to the touch. I looked out the window, it was dawn and already getting lighter outside. I decided to give him a second pill, it was almost morning anyway. I carefully unravelled myself from his arms, cautious not to wake him up. I went to the bathroom expecting to see a tired-eyed woman with dishevel hair and smeared makeup. Instead I saw a relaxed face with a still disheveled hair. I slept next to Christian Ozera, and it got me reposeful. It was morbid to say it was good, as he was sick, but I somehow felt relaxed laying in his arms.

I flushed my face and took out a toothbrush from his cabinet, tied up my hair and retrieved a glass of water for him to swallow the pill with. He was such a lovely sight sleeping under a thick layer of blankets with his face flushed from the fever and his hair tousled. Gosh, I needed to stop myself from having these kinds of thoughts.

'Christian, wake up' I said in a hushed voice, not wanting to wake him with a start.

He opened his eyes, slowly blinking around the room like he had no idea where he was. Then his eyes stopped on my face and he seemed to calm down somewhat if only for a second before I saw his face contort in pain.

'What's wrong?' I asked him frantically, while helping him sit up.

'Nothing, I'm fine' he said, when he sat up, accepting the water and the pill from my hand.

'Don't even start' I said seriously 'The doctor will be back in a few hours, we can't tell him you're fine when you're so obviously in pain.'

'It's just a headache, Rose, don't freak out.'

Don't freak out? He did not just say that.

'Christian, you should be thankful I found you and tried to help you. You were out of your mind with fever, whining about how much your head hurts, you were unresponsive for hours, and even before that you weren't able to get up from the floor on your own, you were so weak from throwing up' I said, even harsher than I intended, but regretted it as soon as I saw his face.

'I'm sorry.' he said sadly. 'I didn't mean to cause you trouble'

I sighed.

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so harsh on you. It's just this is serious. We almost had to take you to the infirmary.' I informed him. 'Anyway, why didn't you want to go?'

'I don't remember' he said but it didn't seem like he meant it. I decided to let it go for now.

Then he stood up and started walking toward the bathroom only he was so weak he collapsed immediately. He would have fallen to the floor if I didn't catch him.

'Are you okay?' I asked still holding him. Stupid question...

'Just a little dizzy' he answered after a minute.

'Sit back on the bed, what do you need?'

'Just wanted to have a shower'

'I think that can wait, but I'll get you a wet towel if you'd like.'

He nodded miserably while looking up at me with puppy dog eyes like a small kid would when wanting something sweet from his mother. Then I remembered I should make him drink, that would probably help him get his strength back. I passed him the towel and a blood bag, but he stared up at me hesitantly before accepting the latter.

'The doctor said you hadn't fed for a long time, so cheers' I said in a no-nonsense way.

He slowly started to drink and soon finished half the bag. Not exactly the amount I was told to make him drink, but it's a start.

'Why didn't you feed?' I asked him after a few minutes of silence.

'I don't know. I just never felt hungry.' he looked at me, noticing that this answer was most likely not enough for an explanation. 'I felt horrible because of what I put you through'

'What do you mean?'

'After we slept together... I should've told it to Lissa immediately. It wasn't fair. And I don't want to make you suffer'

'Christian, we talked about this. And if you felt this was, why didn't you come and ask me about it? I know you care about Lissa, and it's okay not to tell her right after what happened at the fall.'

He was watching me concentrating on every word I said, but his face didn't give away any of his thoughts.

'I still feel like a huge bastard.'

Now, Christian was a man of extremes. First I was surprised he was coping with everything too easily. And now he makes himself sick out of guilt.

'I don't think you're a huge bastard' I reassured him 'But I think you should drink more and lay back down'

He didn't say anything to that, but complied to my orders and was staring at me from under the blankets a few minutes later.

'Do you need anything else?'

'Can you stay with me some more?'

'Sure' I said and made myself comfortable on top of the sheets, on the other side of his bed.

'I dreamt that you were holding me while I was sleeping'

Wow, I really didn't expect him to be aware of that. I thought he wasn't lucid enough to even acknowledge my presence the previous night.

'Was that real?' He asked somewhat hopefully.

'The blankets weren't enough to keep you warm. Which reminds me, I should check your temperature again' I muttered already getting up from the bed to get the thermometer.

I was glad I had a pretense to get up, because I knew if I stayed there he would have talked me into sleeping like that with him again. And that wasn't the right thing to do. It hadn't been the right thing the day before, but I couldn't help myself, I was really worried about him.

I sticked the thermometer under his tongue again, he didn't say anything just followed me with his eyes. After it beeped, I looked at it and wasn't much happier than when I first did the same, his temperature was still over 103.

'So what's the verdict?'

'It's better than yesterday' I said, not wanting to upset him 'But you should get some sleep'

'I'm not sleepy anymore. I just...'

'You what?'

'It doesn't matter'

'I think me being here proves that it does'

'I just can't seem to get warm' he said obviously frustrated with himself. He wasn't suggesting anything, he was just edgy. Understandable.

I looked at my phone. It was 05:34, probably we still had time before the doctor or Dimitri stopped by. So this time I didn't stop myself from getting in the bed next to him just like I did a few hours earlier. I still felt him shaking though not as much as before. I would have been glad for that if I didn't know fevers were the worst at night.

* * *

A few hours later the doctor came back and checked on Christian again. He said his vitals were better and if he didn't throw up any more, he should be fine. The only thing that worried him was the still high fever but if it was getting down we didn't have to take Christian to the infirmary.

'If he feels dizzy again or his fever shoots up, or anything happens that could be a reason to worry, call me right away.' He said looking at me.

'Okay' I nodded 'Can I leave him alone for a little while he's sleeping, I really need a change of clothes'

'Of course' he smiled, 'Though don't leave him alone for too long, someone has to make sure he takes it easy for a while. It worries me, that he hadn't feed for a long time on purpose despite of the cravings he must have felt. Someone should really look after him for a few days'

'Of course' I assured him on his way out, 'And thank you for everything'

'Sure thing, anything for a friend of Dimitri's' he smiled at me 'And don't hesitate to call if there's something wrong' he said then left.

I double checked if Christian was sleeping then sneaked out of his room and took off for mine. I felt relieved that things were looking better now, he really scared the shit out of me the day before.

I stepped into the shower still thinking about this as hot water started to make me relax. I couldn't help but feel there was something more to this. How come Christian seemed to handle the Cape Verde incident so well and then just decided to stop feeding? It's illogical.

Then my thoughts digressed to Dimitri. I knew he didn't say for sure that he'll step by in the morning, but I thought he would. I couldn't shake the feeling that he got the wrong impression at first sight and he didn't like it one bit. Evidently he had the right to dislike me and Christian doing something behind the princess' back. But if that was the case he would've talked to me about it right away. Apparently he had problem with me caring about Christian because of what's between us. But that's just it. There's nothing between us and it wasn't me who walked out on the other one.

I got dressed and tried to consciously divert my thoughts from Dimitri. If anything I should be thankful to him for getting the doctor relatively fast.

I decided to head to the cafeteria and get something to eat before I get back to Christian's room when I met Evan -one of my morning workout mates- right in front of my room.

'Hey, Rose, I was hoping to catch you. You didn't show up at training this morning'

Of course not, Christian scared the shit out of me, I thought, but obviously if he didn't want to go to the infirmary, I couldn't tell that to Evan either.

'I hope you had someone else to spar with' I answered finally, trying to deflect the subject from my absence.

'Yeah, I did. None like you, though. Listen, I was asked to tell you to meet Kirova in her office at 12 p.m. sharp.' He imparted.

'Oh, okay, did she say why?'

'She and some of the head guardians want to tell us something, I'm not sure what exactly, though' He said airily 'Do you know where Christian is? I should pass him the message too'

'No, I mean, I do, but... You know what, I'll tell him myself, I wanted to ask about Lissa's trip anyway' I lied.

'Okay, thank you. I'll see you' he said and left.

In the haste I didn't even ask him why Kirova wanted Christian too. What the hell does he have to do with guardians? And most importantly, how the hell will I get him to Kirova's office? A few hours ago he wasn't strong enough to get to the bathroom. Maybe we should come up with something. But the only thing that came to my mind was telling Kirova he was sick. And that got us right back to where we started as Kirova would kill us if she'd know we didn't take a sick person to the infirmary.

Therefore I decided to skip my meal and get back to Christian's as fast as I could, it was already 11:36 anyway.

'Christian, wake up' I blurted out as soon as I got into the room.

He opened his eyes and was rubbing at his face.

'Rose, what is it?' I hope it wasn't fear talking in me that he actually sounded better.

'We need to be in Kirova's office in twenty minutes.'

'What do you mean?' Well, it was definitely fear talking...

'I mean, I just got the message that Kirova wants to tell us something and you need to come too. We have to be there very soon.'

'Oh no' he said when finally comprehended what I told him.

'Come on Sparky, you need to get dressed. And act like you're completely fine.' I added.

'Okay' he agreed and sat up in the bed. 'Do you still have one of those magic pills?'

'There's one on the shelf, but that'll just knock you out, so I don't think you should take it'

'That's right. It'll be just plain fun then'

I have no idea how we managed to get him dressed and walk to Kirova's office in time, but I was glad we did. I was also worried, because he was visibly shaking out of his warm bed and had a thin layer of sweat on his face. I was praying none would notice, while standing close to him just in case.

'Thanks for coming, everyone' Kirova addressed us as she entered the office. 'All of you are getting reassigned for some reason' She started.

WHAT? I must have heard it wrong. Loud murmuring spread across the room, at least I wasn't the only one surprised. My eyes met Dimitri's and I mouthed a huge 'What' toward him. He just shrugged. Of course, he wasn't working with these court guardians anymore, how would he know anything.

'Silence please. I'll call the names of the guardians and the moroi they're reassigned to, I'll also justify our decision shortly. If you have any questions, you can come to me later, but from now on, it is your obligation to protect your new assignment' she said looking at us.

I was stunned. If I got reassigned it could only be because Lissa was staying longer at the royal university, right? But why didn't I feel anything through our bond? Why didn't she call me to tell me about her decision? Well, maybe it wasn't exactly her decision, maybe that Tatiana bitch wanted to keep us apart, because this way there was a bigger chance Lissa would choose that university for the next semester. But there was that little voice in the back of my head, saying what if Lissa knew about me and Christian and that's why she wanted to stay away.

I only came out of my stare when I heard my name called.

'Rosemarie Hathaway'

'Yes'

'Your new assignment is Christian Ozera'

Honestly I was in shock. Please let this be just a bad dream. I can't get Christian. My life will be loads harder if I constantly have to be near him. How can I withstand the temptation if it's present in every moment of every miserable day of mine. And it also meant I won't see Lissa as much, because now I was sure she was about to stay in Boston. If there was one thing I was sure about all my life, it was that I'll never have to stay away from Lissa. But then again, I shouldn't be surprised that happened.

I forced my attention back to Kirova.

'As Vasilisa Dragomir decided to stay in Boston for at least three more months, we found it easier to reassign her to Eddie Castile with him already being there. This way Lord Ozera's left unprotected and as you already had to guard him during your field experience we'd found it a wise choice to pair the two of you' And that's it. Her next words were already addressed to someone else.

The world around me seized to exist for the next few seconds. Life really must have hated me. If Lissa got to know about what we did behind her back, I was already a dead person.

The next thing I knew, people were fleeing the room and Christian was heavily leaning against me. We had to get out of there as fast as we could. I was drawing him toward his room on the corridor while trying to support him at the same time. We were almost back at his door, fortunately out of sight when he stumbled and I almost didn't manage to catch him in time before we both fell to the floor.

'Come on, it's just a few more steps' I encouraged him and opened his door.

I immediately dropped him on the bed and put his legs up too, then went back to close the door behind us.

'I can't believe this happened. Do you think Lissa chose to stay because she knows?'

'Knows what?'

'What we did during our holiday' wow, he was already pretty out of it.

'Nooooo, I think she's staying because of that Tatiana bitch. She must have convinced Lissa that it's the best for her'

'Maybe we should still call her'

'Hmmm' he mumbled approvingly.

I turned my attention back to him. This little visit in Kirova's office didn't do any good to his health. I was checking his temperature when he abruptly sat up on his bed.

'What's wrong?'

'Gonna throw up' he said without articulating the words.

'Oh, okay' I said jumping up and helping him rushing to the bathroom. We got there just in time for him to empty his stomach into the toilet.

'Are you done?' I asked when nothing else seemed to come up, though he had been heaving long after he vomited all the blood he had ingested before.

'Not yet' he said before starting to heave violently again.

I was soothing stroking circles on his back and felt his muscles in his body constrict painfully under my hand. He held onto his stomach with one hand, only supporting himself with the other, so I tried to hold him up while he struggled. We had been sitting there for a long time when he finally rested his forehead on his arm on the seat and seemed to be utterly exhausted.

Then I got him back on his bed and wiped at his face again with a wet towel.

'I should go get Tony. He said to call him back if anything like this happens'

'Please don't' he pleaded softly with plaintive eyes that broke my heart.

'I'm sorry but I really should call him back' I said getting up.

He caught my arm and was holding it with the last of his strength.

'No Rose, please stay here with me. I'm better already I promise. I'll take that pill from the shelf and I'll just sleep it off.'

I sat back on the edge of the bed. Not because of what he said, but because how he said it. There was something so serious and meaningful while totally sad and entreating in it.

'Okay, but you have to take the third pill then'

And when you wake up, you'll have to drink another pack of blood, I continued in my head, I just didn't want to say it out loud in case he still felt sick.

* * *

I left the room after he fell asleep, I decided I had some time to attend to my own business.

First I got to the gym and was running for a few hours and then went to hit the punching bag for even more time. I just had to clear my head.

I emerged from the gym a few hours later with no more answers than when I got in. We had to call Lissa for answers, that's for sure. I could only hope she didn't know our secret until I talked to her. On the other hand I didn't know how much Dimitri knew. Maybe nothing and it was only my paranoia that said he behaved slightly hurt. Maybe he just had something else to do and that's why he didn't come in the morning. And the time since then...

I decided to start focusing on simple tasks before I went crazy. So got back to my room for a shower and later went to the cafeteria and had some spaghetti for dinner.

On my way out I came across Dimitri. Just. My. Luck.

'Is he better?' He surprised me with his question.

'Yes' I lied. No need for telling the truth if he really gets better by morning.

'Can you talk now?'

I checked my phone. It was about time Christian woke up.

'Or maybe we can train together tomorrow morning?' he offered seeing I was hesitating.

'Sure' I agreed and left the hall hurriedly as I had nothing else to say.

I was so confused, but Dimitri not liking the situation -as if if he knew about anything- was the least of my worries right then.

I headed back toward Christian's room, but stopped in the middle of the corridor and steeled myself to call Lissa. I dialed the number and rose the phone to my ear.

'You've reached Lissa, please leave a message' I heard from the receiver.

'Shit' I ended the call and let my phone sink back in my pocked, then resumed to walking.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys,**

**Sorry to those of you who got many notifications from me, but all the previous chapters were betad and I was playing lame when replacing the old ones. Anyway, some of the chapters were also edited because they contained mistakes, none of the changes are significant though, except one in chapter five, in the scene where Rose finds Dimitri in her room.**

**Also, I wanted to thank you for the reviews and I promise to update as fast as I can.**  
**Here's chapter 8, let me know if you liked it, or have any suggestions. Happy reading ;-)**  
**_The author_**

* * *

I called Lissa three more times before giving up. She was either doing something far away from her phone or really didn't want to talk to me. In that case the message was clear, though I was still hoping the first option was true.

After some pacing on the corridor I got back to Christian's room again. Whatever problem I was facing I realized nowadays Fireboy was always my top priority. This wasn't how things were supposed to be, but right then I had other things to cope with first.

Christian was waking up the second I entered his room.

'Are you feeling better?' I asked joining him on the bed.

'I think so'

'Well, at least you don't feel like a damn radiator anymore.'

He didn't say anything to that.

'Do you think you're ready to drink some blood?' I asked him after I checked his temperature, my fingers lingering on his face long after it was necessary.

He shook his head but still didn't say anything.

'Would you like to sleep some more?'

'No. I just want you to stay with me.' he said amazing me. 'I'm really thankful for you worrying about me so much. I don't want to keep you from your duties but I really need you here with me' He continued getting closer to me.

'It' okay. I'm your guardian now, anyway.'

He was just staring at me still sitting just a few inches from me.

'I'm glad you're better. You really scared me' I went on.

'I didn't mean to scare you' He said slightly shaking his head, still staring into my eyes closely.

'Hm-hm' was all my answer before our lips touched in a soft kiss.

I was so overwhelmed with what I felt for him but in that moment I didn't feel sexual tension, it was rather... love. Yes, I was sure I loved Christian.

I broke our kiss and hugged him tightly to myself. I felt him hesitating a bit first, I guess he had no idea why I was hugging him after kissing him, but then hugged me back, his force matching mine.

'Would you like to watch a movie?' he asked me out of the blue when we moved apart.

'Sure, which should be it?'

'Just pick any you'd like' he said waving toward a shelf full of DVDs.

I picked one not really paying attention to which one it was, I just felt comfortable around Christian and wanted to hang out with him some more.

We kept moving closer and closer to each other during the film, pretending we were just squirming to get more comfortable. We ended up falling asleep right before the end of the movie, I didn't even stand the chance against my closing eyelids. Laying in Christian's arms felt like something I'd never felt before.

The next morning I woke to loud knocking on the door.

'Shit' I whispered hurriedly untangling myself from Christian's arms.

'Christian, open up' I heard a familiar voice from outside. It belonged to Tasha Ozera.

How was I so stupid never thinking of her coming to see her nephew. She and Dimitri had been there for two days, it was weird she didn't come before. Well, probably she did while I wasn't here and Christian was sleeping.

'Just a minute' I suddenly heard Christian say while he was getting out of bed.

I was frantically trying to smooth out my wrinkled clothes, and stood to a great distance from the bed.

'Wait' I said grabbing his arm 'What are we gonna say, why I am here early in the morning?'

'Relax, you're my guardian now. And we were... just talking about our plans for today...' he shrugged and went to answer the door.

As he walked to the door I couldn't help but notice he was still unsteady on his feet.

'Tasha' he greeted his aunt cheerfully 'You didn't say you were coming this early' he said hugging her.

'Yeah, we came a little earlier, I had a few things to take care of. Wow, I missed you Christian' she said entering the room. 'Hey Rose, I heard you got reassigned to Christian'

'Yes, Kirova told us yesterday' I answered, the memory of it still seeming unreal in my head.

'And what about Lissa?'

'She's staying at the Boston University for at least three more months' Christian published before I had a chance.

'Oh, okay' Tasha wondered but decided to let it go. She probably would bring it up when it was just the two of them.

A few seconds of silence followed and I had no idea if I should leave them alone or stay.

'Hey, guys, do you have plans for tonight?' she asked then.

'Not yet' Christian answered. 'Why?'

'Dimitri and I were planning on going out tonight, you two should come with us'

'Sounds good to me, Rose, what do you think?'

'It's fine by me. What did you have in mind?' I turned to Tasha after sending Christian a glance that asked him if he was sure about this. After all, he still wasn't hundred percent.

'Well, we could go to a restaurant and there's a new place to try after that'

'Okay' Christian said blissfully. 'Forgive me ladies but I really should grab a shower now' he excused himself.

That was the first time Tasha really eyed him from head to toe.

'Christian, are you okay, you seem really pale' she stated moving closer to him.

'I felt a little under the weather yesterday, I'm fine now' he said moving back a little.

'Alright, I'll leave you two now' Tasha said seemingly believing what Christian just told her. 'Meet us at 8 p.m. at the car park' She added before she left.

'Are you sure about this?'

'Of course, we'll have fun... I mean... If you don't want to come because of Dimitri... shit, I haven't considered it. I'm sorry, I'll just tell her we have to cancel'

'No, I meant are you alright?'

'Yes. I feel a lot better'

'Prove it' I challenged him.

'How am I supposed to prove I feel fine?' he laughed.

'Come grab a breakfast with me' I said. 'If you're able to keep blood down, I'll check your temperature and if it's looking better than last time, we can go'

'Fine. Where's the thermometer?'

We checked his temperature and indeed it was close to normal now. How he got this much better overnight and without more pills I had no idea. We both had a shower and changed clothes in our own rooms and met for a breakfast first for him in the hospital's wing where the moroi fed and then for me in the cafeteria.

'I have to go, I have training with Dimitri in half an hour' I said after checking the time.

'Are you training with Dimitri? I didn't know you've met him since he arrived' he seemed surprised.

'We talked only once. And he was the one who got you that doctor two days ago, you were just too out of it to remember'

'And is this good for you?' he seemed accusatory with all these questions.

'What do you mean?'

'He just came back and the two of you act like nothing happened? Like he didn't even leave?'

'Who said that? We're just trying to act normal around each other. Nothing else is going on.'

'And training together is "normal"?'

'Where is this coming from, Christian? I trained with him all the time when he was still here. Now we'll have a few training while they're staying, what's wrong with that?'

'I don't know, you tell me'

'That's enough' I stood up 'I didn't tell you about us for you to judge me. We've never done anything wrong and we both accepted our situation. I'm over it. But he'll always be an important part of my life and I want to spend some time with him AS FRIENDS' I said heatedly.

'No need to explain it to me and I'm not judging. I just don't want you to get hurt'

'And why do you even care?'

I looked around, luckily no one was there to notice our passionate conversation. I had no idea where it was headed, I just wanted him to stop questioning me like that. I even told him I was over Dimitri, and honestly, I meant it. I really loved Christian. How could he not feel that? How was this not enough?

'You know exactly why' he was staring piercingly into my eyes, but I couldn't read his face.

Was he angry with me because he thought I did something behind his back? Come on, he was still in a relationship. Or was he jealous? Or was he really so worried about me getting hurt? What am I, a 5-year-old?

'Nothing is going to happen between me and Dimitri. I'm not in love with him anymore' I stated in a low voice 'Therefore I won't be hurt, so don't worry. It's none of your business anyway' I added.

He recoiled suddenly, his expression giving away how hurt he was only for a second before it became a blank mask again. I couldn't believe I had just said that. Not because I said I didn't love Dimitri anymore, I was more and more positive about that. I couldn't believe I said it's not his business. I knew we hadn't said it to each other yet, but I knew I loved him and so everything related to me was concerning him and he had the right to worry about me or to be jealous. But I was uncertain about his feelings, especially because of Lissa.

'I'm sorry, I was tactless' he declared and then walked out of the cafeteria without another word, leaving me there regretting what slipped my mouth.

* * *

Dimitri was getting more fierce on me by the second as we were sparring in the gym. I would have been grateful for the distraction if I didn't know something was bothering him too.

'Tonight is gonna be fun' I tried lightening the mood when we had a break.

'I never thought we'd end up on a double date with such line-up. If we aren't cautious enough we will become family members' he said sarcastically.

'Are you suggesting something?'

'I'm a lot of things Rose, but I'm not stupid nor blind. What is between you and Christian?'

'I think you jumped too fast to wrong conclusions, Comrade' I tried to collect myself 'There is nothing between me and my best friend's boyfriend. We just spent a lot of time together and got pretty close. Why would you think otherwise?'

He violently grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him, his face mere inches away mine.

'Don't play games with me, Roza. I'm not the bad guy here'

I stepped back still facing him.

'Dimitri, I had no idea you thought so low of me, but I can assure you I'm not one to play games'

'Rose. I'm not judging you. If you decide to go down that road, I know you have your reasons. Just be careful'

Maybe there was no point in keeping playing dumb.

'I don't know what to do' I blurted out surprising even myself. But Dimitri was always a mentor to me, maybe he could give me advice. I didn't expect him to give his blessing but maybe he could give me a constructive point of view.

'Do you like him?'

I nodded not daring to say the words out loud.

'Does he like you?'

'I think so'

'Then what about Lissa?'

'I'm not sure. Even if they broke up there's no way we could be together'

'Now it's safe to say you're not lucky in love' he smiled, but that smile never reached his eyes.

'Yeah' I sighed.

'Is there a chance they gonna break up?'

'I can't say for sure'

'Would it be because of you?'

I shook my head no.

He looked around the room deep in thought. I expected him to say something more about this, to warn me, to summarize my situation or to tell me that as a guardian I shouldn't get into situations like this, as they have many disadvantages. Instead he thanked me for being honest with him and pulled me back on the sparring mat.

'You got better since we last fought. You're visibly more focused now' he stated.

His compliment felt good as I already learnt how hard it was to earn one. Maybe I was more focused in fighting but I was never more puzzled in my personal life.

We spent the entire morning and the early afternoon in the gym and it did a world of good to my brain, if we consider totally numbing it a good outcome.

In the afternoon I was reading a book in my room, but couldn't really concentrate on it. I was too harsh on Christian and I should apologize. Also I should check if he's feeling alright. And ask him if he still felt like going with Tasha and Dimitri tonight.

I had too many reasons to go so I swallowed my pride, dropped the book I was holding and was knocking on his door a few minutes later.

He opened it in a second and I had the impression he was waiting for me.

'I'm sorry' he said before I had to chance to open my mouth.

'That's exactly what I wanted to say' I replied with fake astonishment.

'I really didn't mean to judge you'

Wow, I honestly didn't expect us to be over our morning controversy so easily.

'And I really didn't mean it wasn't your business. But I was upset about you assuming I would do something with him while having feelings for you'

'Wait, you have feelings for me?' he asked moving closer to me.

Is it really a question? Did he not know this already? Well, if that's the case, it can only mean one thing... that he does not feel a single thing for me.

I stepped back away from him. Saying this was a huge delusion was an understatement. And honestly what was I thinking? Lissa's perfect, how did I think I could compete her? I'd never felt so dreary in my whole life like I felt in that single moment.

'I shouldn't have said that' I said finally backing until my shoulders hit the door. 'I should leave' I added and was reaching for the door handle when he suddenly pulled me into him and crushed his lips against mine.


	9. Chapter 9

'Don't take it back' he said against my lips 'Don't take it back' he kept kissing me with my back still pushed up against the door.

'But you didn't...'

'I love you' he added interrupting me. I wanted to say he didn't tell me he had feelings for me, I wanted to ask if he liked me like that at all or was just playing games with me, I didn't expect this clear statement from him.

I wanted to make sure that he really meant it, but I didn't want to risk ruining the moment. So I just gave myself in for his kiss, his lips heatedly moved against my chin and my neck leaving a hot trail against my skin. I dug my hand into his hair and kissed his neck in return and felt his hands pulling up the edge of my shirt, his fingers caressing my skin. There was no going back from there, I wanted him more than anything, and I wanted him instantly, I couldn't wait, I couldn't think about anything else.

'I want you really bad' I whispered in his ear, his low moan being all the answer I got before he lifted me in his arms all of a sudden then tossed me on his bed fiercely, while paying attention not to hurt me. He was on top of me in a second, throwing his shirt on the floor and tearing mine off while looking passionately into my eyes. My instinctive answer was to pull against his fly, trying desperately to get his jeans off. He helped me with hasty movements, then reached for my jeans and pulled them off just as hurriedly. Then he got out of his boxers and tore my panties off of me getting me so far over the point of no return.

'You drive me crazy, you know that?' he asked then kissed me savagely and I wrapped my legs around his waist making him enter me right away.

I cried out at first, we were way too fast, but the pain turned into pleasure in a second.

'Did I hurt you?' he asked stopping in his moves hesitantly.

'No' I breathed. I wanted to assure him I loved every motion he did, but I couldn't get anything more out.

My breathing sped up as I got more and more aroused and wet, I held his back to pull him tightly against me and my body was moving in accordance with his, more swiftly and hungrily by the second. I felt like I was lying two meters above myself and I was hot and cold at the same time, waiting for the growing pleasure to burst through my whole body. Christian's rapid movements, his scent, the feel of his skin were all I could concentrate on.

'Fuck me hard, I'm all yours' I whispered in his ear, there was nothing I desired more than him taking the all of me.

'Jesus, Rose' he groaned and pulled out of me just before he climaxed.

I moaned his name and climaxed too still holding his strong arms. Then he dropped next to me on the bed, hugging me close to his warm skin.

'There's nothing in this world that's better than having sex with you' he stated against my neck.

We were lying there while our breathing were evening out, I was staring at the ceiling.

'I love you too' I told him, answering his earlier statement. He hold me even closer to himself and kissed my shoulder.

* * *

I woke up a few hours later, feeling somebody shaking me softly. I wished whoever it was just gave up, I was so comfortable in that bed with Christian. Then I realized it must have been Christian shaking me, and well, that's a whole different thing...

'Rose, we'll have to be ready in half an hour' he said caressing my arm.

Half an hour? Oh, God, I jumped off the bed, how the hell am I supposed to get ready in half an hour?

'Calm down' he laughed 'your dress is on the end of the bed'.

I looked where he indicated and indeed, there was a black dress with gleaming cross-straps on it's back.

'This is not my dress' I said remembering that I never had such an item.

'Well, believe me, it is yours' he stated walking back to the bathroom.

I kept looking at him questioningly.

'I bought it for you to wear tonight'

'When? We only got to know we're going this morning'

'While you were training with Dimitri'

Why did he buy me a dress after having a fight with me, I didn't understand.

'I wanted to make up to you for our earlier disagreement if you must know' he said charmingly, leaning against the door post with his toothbrush in his hand. 'Now, get ready' he commanded and I put on the dress in a blink of an eye.

I had to leave the room as I had all the items I needed in my bathroom, and had to do it in my new dress, as most of the old ones laid torn and scattered all over the floor. I collected them however, and left hurriedly.

'I'll pick you up in 25' he shouted after me and I couldn't help but smile on my way out.

When I got into my room I got out of the dress again, grateful nobody saw me leaving Christian's room in that and went to grab a shower. As the spray of hot water ran down my back I couldn't stop myself from smiling to myself again as I thought about Christian picking out a dress for me. It felt amazing having proof of him thinking about me while we weren't together, it somehow assured me that I meant something for him. I didn't want to ruin my mood by thinking how it didn't mean for sure that he was serious about us.

I dried myself with a towel and puffed some of my favorite fragrance on my skin, then applied some natural-looking makeup and flat-ironed my hair. I was ready in a considerably short amount of time, this counted as a record. I was pulling on the dress again when I heard soft knocking on the door.

'Just a minute' I lied, of course this never only takes a minute.

The dress took my breath away as I looked at myself in the full-length mirror. It ended above my knees hugging all my curves perfectly. It was elegantly simple and at the same time seductive with its low and gleaming-edged decolletage. He wasn't just completely aware of my size but knew my taste pretty well.

His repeated knocking made me pull myself together and I aligned my hair one last time before I opened the door for him. That was the second time in less than ten minutes that my breath hitched, Christian looked perfect. His hair was combed aside making his face even more handsome, his dark shirt emphasized his well-toned upper body and fitted well his plum colored skinny trousers. That was the first time I saw him wearing something different from black clothes but out outfits matched nonetheless.

'You look beautiful, Rose' he said staring at me.

'Well, you can't complain either' I answered then looked seriously into his eyes. 'Thank you for the dress, Christian' I felt it would be too much telling him I never had anything like that before, but I wanted him to know I really liked it.

'Seems like I have excellent taste' he said offering his arm to me and I laced mine into it, closing the door behind myself with my other hand.

It was weird walking hand in hand with him especially so dressed up while anyone could see us. But of course, nobody seemed to think anything other than we're doing something together as friends, it was too absurd that the princess' best friend and boyfriend were having something behind her back.

Christian let me off in the car park, having led me to a hunter green convertible Mustang.

'Who's car is this?' I asked him shocked.

'I got it from Tasha for graduation' he said indifferently 'I just haven't had the chance to drive it much yet. You're the first one I get to drive around in it' he smiled.

'What about Lissa?'

'We never had time to try it together as we took off to Cape Verde almost right after graduation' he explained.

Graduation. Right. He got a freaking Mustang for graduation. My mom hadn't even sent me a telegraph. Not that I should be thinking I need it.

'What are you thinking about?' he asked me, watching me intensely as he leaned against the car.

'My mom' I answered.

'How she wasn't here at graduation?'

'Let's not ruin this night by talking about her'

He kept watching me fervently but decided to let it go. Instead he checked his watch. 'They should be here soon'

'We were early?'

'Not really. But if I knew they would be late, I could have watched you sleep longer' he said amazing me.

'You're just kidding'

'No. You're really cute when you sleep. Did you know you talk?' he had a childish smile on his face.

'No. Because I don't. You're just making it up' I giggled punching his shoulder playfully.

'Yeah, I just made it up' he admitted flashing another of his charming grin at me.

'Rose, Christian. You look stunning. Are you ready?' Tasha asserted stepping close to us.

'You look beautiful Tasha' Christian remarked.

I just smiled at her shyly and nodded silently at Dimitri who was eyeing Christian closely.

'Let's get going' Christian added and Dimitri lead Tasha to another car while Christian opened the passenger side door for me.

I sat in dropping my handbag onto my lap. Christian was next to me in a minute, putting the key into the ignition and winking at me when the engine growled.

'What a new way to pick up girls' I said and he chuckled, his eyes not leaving the road.

It was always exciting to leave the ward even after spending a whole year in the human world with Lissa. Still I felt pure joy and freedom just for traveling the streets. I kept staring at the colorful streetlights and enjoyed as the cool night air hit my upper body in the topless car. It made me feel like my problems were less significant and I was comfortably ordinary.

We got to the cozy restaurant in about half an hour and chose a table for four at the window. Christian pulled out a chair for me and occupied the neighbor one, then ordered us two drinks from the waiter in a voice that was too low for me to understand. To be honest I liked that he chose one for me too without asking me what I want, it was really manlike. We waited in relative silence for about ten minutes, giving each other stolen glances when Tasha and Dimitri joined us, I didn't realize we had outran them so much.

'Have you ordered yet?' Tasha asked.

'No, we only got here a few minutes ago' I replied somehow feeling like I have to be polite with her.

Dimitri took the seat opposite to me and his investigatory look on me made me crave for some alcohol. Why the hell did we agree to this?

'When is Lissa coming back?' Tasha asked then. Just. Great.

'She's staying for a few more months, that's why Rose became my new guardian' Christian explained to her.

'Oh. Do you mind if I ask, is everything alright with the two of you?' Wow, Tasha asked what she wanted to know, didn't waste time with some bullshit small talk. But then again, she was his aunt.

'Lissa is really determined and engaged in her career right now' Christian said. He could be a diplomat with these non-committal answers.

'How do you cope with this, Rose? I know you and Lissa are close' Dimitri butted in surprising me.

'I'd like her to be happy' I said. I really didn't know if he had any ulterior motive with his question.

'How long are you staying, guys?' Christian tried to deflect the subject. I know he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable.

'Well, we plan to leave not long after the ball' Tasha answered 'When Lissa returns you should come visit us'

Of course. Lissa was officially Christian's girlfriend and me being here dressed up was weird in itself, even if it made me feel like I was part of something more and not just an outsider guardian.

'I don't think Lissa'll have time for that, but I'd be more than happy to visit you and Dimitri with Rose' Christian said looking Dimitri in the eyes.

Oh, God. Where was this headed? I was hoping it was only my paranoia seeing more into this.

A waitress came to our table to take our order and that gave me time to shoot a meaningful look at Christian that sent him the message that he should be more careful. He smiled darkly at that. Seriously what was he planning?

Christian and Tasha were tasting each other's food across their plates, they seemed to be knitted together in defiance with how rare they met. Dimitri kept giving me disapproving glances during the whole dinner despite the fact that he didn't say anything when I told him about me and Christian the last time we trained together. After the main course I ordered another glass of red wine instead of dessert, I decided I could use it.

To my surprise the rest of our stay in the restaurant went by quite pleasantly. Tasha and I drank some alcohol, but Dimitri and Christian seemed to be more released too. They told us about their travelling in Europe, highlighting the funny parts and finally stopped asking us about Lissa. We shared some stories about our training together, not having much more for their ears.

We left the restaurant after 10 p.m. and drove to that new place Tasha had in mind.

When we got out of the cars Tasha and Christian went in the front and Dimitri joined me.

'You shouldn't drink much. Remember, you're also guarding Christian right now'

So that's why he glanced at me so disapprovingly.

I nodded at him, feeling relieved he wasn't about to give me a speech about Lissa and how I'm not supposed to flirt with my assignment. It was also great to feel him act like my mentor again. I knew nothing was the same but it reminded me the times when he was the most secure spot in my world.

Not wanting to think about what I lost, I decided to concentrate on the present and have a good time.

The club turned out to be a well designed modern place, if a bit overcrowded. We managed to get a table in the back but the first few minutes were a little awkward as we couldn't talk because of the loud music.

On the other hand it was a great pleasure seeing Dimitri sitting there, I never imagined him to come to such place, I guess Tasha was the one who persuaded him.

'I'll get drinks' said Christian and disappeared in the crowd.

Tasha nudged Dimitri 'Come on, let's dance' then she turned to me 'Do you mind?'

'Go ahead, guys'

Dimitri gave me one look before heading to dance with Tasha but I guess he just wanted to tell me to look out for Christian while they weren't there. Control freak.

I spent the few minutes I had been alone watching around the dark place, sweating pairs dancing forgetting about themselves, girls screaming and drinking wildly at tables and guys watching and rating them while laughing about things. I was never one to club around, but had been to a few parties like this while away from court with Lissa.

Christian came back looking like he wouldn't manage if he had to be holding all those drinks for much longer. He put the glasses on the table and offered me one containing some kind of a blood colored liquid.

'Vodka-black currant' he commented adding 'Just try it, it's one of my favorites' seeing my doubting look.

'Cheers' I said after he climbed on the bar stool next to me.

'So it's just the two of us?' he asked smirking at me.

'Tasha and Dimitri are hitting the floor' I told him pointing my finger to where they were dancing.

'Interesting' he said handing me another drink. 'Bottoms up'

I wanted to ask him why the rush with all these vodka shots but thought better of it and raised my glass toward his before gulping down the red liquid. It burned my throat and all the warmth it provided revved my body.

Christian leaned closer to me 'Dance with me' he whisper-shouted into my ears.

I nodded at him looking into his eyes. He discarded his glass, then mine, then took my hand and lead me deep into the crowd. I felt myself shiver despite the hot and humid air of the club, but then again, most of my back was left bare not counting the little gleaming straps.

'I love this dress on you' he told me placing his hands on the small of my back and pulling me closer to himself.

We started moving to the loud music, it felt amazing being in his arms again. I leaned close to him, his smell was intoxicating, all that music and the drinks, the pulsing crowd and Christians look were starting to take their affect. The dim light made his face even more handsome, he looked dangerously hot in that dark outfit.

'I want you' I told him straightforward.

One of his hands found its way into my hair, holding my head in place as he leaned close to study my face.

He didn't say anything just was looking at me for a long time and I tried to push my body closer to his, we were moving in sync to the wild music, his hands were everywhere on my body and I was rubbing up against his legs shamelessly. I could only hope Tasha and Dimitri couldn't see us.

I had no idea how long we were dancing when he stopped abruptly and was just holding one of my hands.

'Lets go, beautiful' he shouted playfully leaning close to my ear, his lips grazing my neck, his cool breath lingering there and turning me on even more.

He started drawing me toward our table and soon I saw Tasha and Dimitri were sitting there again.

'We're gonna take off' Christian said letting go of my hand when we got out of the crowd.

'But we only got here less than an hour ago' Tasha protested a little over eagerly.

'I know, I just feel a little tired' Christian lied and Tasha seemed to let up somewhat thinking of how pale he looked that morning.

'Okay, we'll stay some more' she said finally. She wasn't drunk yet but obviously had a few more drinks while we were dancing.

'Have fun' Christian said and I smiled at them.

'Take care' she shouted after us.

As I turned back Dimitri gave me one last waning look. Wow, he really wasn't the man of words. I could only hope he would relax a little and have fun with Tasha for real for once.

* * *

'Are you gonna drive like this?' I asked Christian when we got to the car.

'Come on, Hathaway, I'm not that drunk' he winked at me and we took off.

The cool night air felt sweet against my heated skin and disheveled my hair even further. I pulled up my legs under me and raised my arms, reaching into my hair. Christian had hard time keeping his eyes on the road and he rested his hand on my thigh, pulling my dress up a little. I felt my blood boil from his touch and was squirming in my seat restlessly. I wanted him to touch me everywhere.

'Where are we going?' I asked when I noticed we weren't headed back to the academy. We were speeding on a moon-lit sinuous highway just like in a film.

'Curious much, Hathaway?'

'I'm your guardian, Pyro, I'm supposed to know where we're going'

'Just sit back and enjoy the ride for now' he said, but I knew his calmness was forced and he was just as impatient as I was.

We stopped in front of a block of houses in a part of town that reminded me of Notting Hill, not that I'd ever been there before. He got around the car and opened the door for me before I realized, and I got out to him taking my hand in his.

We walked to one of the terraced houses and he took out a key from his pocket smirking wickedly at me.

'What is this place?'

'My family had it. Not that I can get out here much'

We stepped into the apartment, it was stylishly furnished and must had been cleaned by someone frequently.

'Wow, it's really beautiful' I wondered.

'Do you want something to drink?' he asked me heading toward what I guessed was the kitchen.

'Sure' I replied following him.

'Are you checking me out Rose?' he asked while turned toward the counter and I was standing behind his back.

'How would you know?' I asked him. Sure, I was, but there was no chance he caught me doing it while serving our drinks.

Then he turned around and handed me a drink that looked like the one I had in the nightclub.

'Bottoms up' he said bumping his glass into mine.

I drank as I was told then put my cup onto a table not taking my eyes off him. He stepped closer to me watching me intently.

'I was waiting for this whole night' he said when he got really close and kissed my neck sweetly.

His kiss turned more heated quickly though and his tongue found my pulse point and he was pulling the edge of my dress up.

'You were really sexy in it tonight, but I'd like you more without it' he whispered and I let out a small moan as his breath caressed my ear.

I raised my arms providing him an easy way to pull it off and he threw it aside gracefully.

'Now I shall return the favor' I told him looking him in the eyes and ripped off his shirt savagely, letting buttons fly everywhere.

He then abruptly lifted me and headed upstairs with me in his strong arms, not so gently throwing me onto the bed when we got up.

My nails dug into his back as he eased himself on top of me, kissing me passionately, his tongue entering my mouth without hesitation.

'I want you so much' I moaned and he started wandering south with his tongue on my body, his hands reaching behind me to take my bra off.

One of his hands cupped my breast and massaged it stirringly, his other hand reached into my pants and his thumb was rubbing my clit while he was looking at me intently.

'Oh, God, Christian' I moaned, he was driving me crazy.

'You're so sexy when you're turned on' he told me, placing his tongue on my tummy once again, his eyes never leaving mine.

He then let go of my nipple and ripped my pants off using both his hands, his tongue started to swirl around my center, and I couldn't help but let out a loud moan when one of his fingers entered me. I felt myself getting close and reached my hand into his hair pulling it as roughly as he was handling me.

'Christian please'

'What do you want, Rose?' damn, he was playing dirty. 'Say it'

'Fuck me' I exhaled, my voice hitching.

'Don't be impatient, baby'

I was trashing around, I had never felt anything like this before. Every time I got more and more excited with him, and I was already incredibly aroused, and while it was the most amazing sensation I ever felt I was desperate for release.

'You taste so good, baby' he said, his voice raspy as he pushed a second finger into me. 'I love when you're so wet for me'

'Oh god' I screamed when his second finger pushed me over the edge and I climaxed around his hand and mouth.

He came back up and kissed me so I could feel my own taste on my tongue. I was still panting from my climax when I pushed him off of me and sat on him, intentionally rubbing against his pulsating erection. He groaned and grabbed my waist, trying to push me down on it, but it was my turn to torture him a little.

'Don't be impatient, baby' I echoed him playfully and started pulling my hand softly up and down his hard length. It was driving me crazy almost as much as it did to him and I felt myself being even more turned on with every pull.

I blew soft kisses on his chest, grazing my lips against his skin while moving down toward his increasingly throbbing member. I finally took him in my mouth, his hand holding my head in place as I was taking him deeper and deeper.

I slightly bruised my teeth against him and he threw his head back abruptly.

'Fuck, Rose... you...' he panted 'you're killing me'

He was trashing in the bed just like I was a few minutes before, and he hissed when I rounded my tongue around the head of his erection.

'Rose, stop'

I smiled at this, I had absolutely no intention to stop, in fact, I was sucking him even harder, switching the tempo from time to time.

'Shit' he hissed once more then suddenly tore me from himself and flipped me over abruptly.

I was on my hands and knees, he tugged at my hair hard and slammed into me.

'Fuck, you're so tight' he said as I fast gripped the sheets.

He was moving in me nice and slow first but in that minute I didn't need him to be his usual gentle self with me.

'Fuck me, Christian, I'm so hot for you' I moaned.

He pulled out of me and slammed back savagely then increased his speed.

I screamed his name at his fierceness and was out of my mind with joy.

'You asked for it, baby' he said pressing his thumb against my clit once more and I climaxed again biting into his thigh with my nails.

I stopped moving with him just before he reached the top too, and he hold me tightly against his chest while he climaxed, then collapsed on the bed, pulling me down with him, still holding me close to his body.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning I woke up in a warm and comfortable bed tangled in silky covers. Bright sunlight came into the room through the holes of the blind, but I couldn't see Christian anywhere. Then I smelt something delicious coming from downstairs.

I jumped off the bed and put on Christian's discarded shirt, his smell reminding me of all the times we had sex the night before. Some times he was gentle and soft, I could say we were making love, other times we left marks on each other with fierceness only he could bring out of me. I stopped in front of a full length mirror, yeah, he definitely left some bruises on my legs and I felt pleasantly sore.

When I got down I saw him standing in front of the cooker making bruschetta, the view making my mouth water with him wearing only a pair of black boxers.

'Something smells amazing' I said as a way of greeting, hugging him from behind.

'Morning baby, did you sleep well?'

'Yes but I had to wake up to you already being gone'

'I just wanted to treat you like a princess and make you breakfast. I hope you're hungry' he answered sweetly.

I let go of him and went to an already laid table as an answer. He turned around with the pan in his hands and took a spicy toast on my plate. Then took some tomato and put it on top of the toast, topping it all with a leaf of basil.

'Well, thank you, Mr Ozera' I said playfully and he just sat down opposite to me looking at me.

I dug in immediately, the previous night took a lot of my energy and I was starving.

'Turns out culinary science paid off pretty well to you'

He gave me a contented smile but didn't answer.

'Last night was fucking insane' he said at last.

I put down my food and leaned back in the chair.

'It was amazing' I told him seriously. 'And what are we doing today?'

'I was actually about to ask you the same. I don't have to go back yet, I was thinking we could take a walk or go train and then watch a movie'

'Sounds really nice' I answered.

We never really spent time together as lovers, things just kind of happened a few times. I couldn't stop a wave of guilt from flooding me when it crossed my mind what I was doing to Lissa now, but I decided to enjoy this for just one more day.

'What is it?' He asked realizing I was deep in thought.

'I was just thinking about Lissa. She still hasn't called me back and you still haven't talked to her'

He leaned back in his seat.

'It's not like she gave me a chance. But isn't it enough for you now that she hasn't even called me? Normal couples don't act like that. It's obvious that we're over and I promised you I'll talk to her'

'Okay. You don't owe me an explanation'

'Rose, don't ruin this, please, I don't want to fight. Just trust me'

'I trust you' I told him honestly.

'Then let's have fun today and we'll try to call her tomorrow'

'Can I have just one more question?'

'Sure' he sounded calm.

'Do you love me because I'm rebound?'

He sighed and his face seemed to be drawn-out for a second.

'I'm trying to do everything in my power to make sure you know how I feel about you. I kind of was over Lissa before we slept together for the first time. Yes, I still have to talk to her but it's been long since I loved her like that. I'm in love with you, in a way I never loved anyone before. It has nothing to do with anyone else'

It felt great hearing him say these words. I never knew how I fell for him so fast without really realizing it, but I wanted him to know I did feel the same.

'I never loved anyone like you before either'

He looked at me skeptically.

'Really? Not even Dimitri?'

'No, not even Dimitri' I said confidently. I was now sure about that.

He seemed to be lost in thought for a second then nodded at my food for me to go on and I was glad to get back to it, it was really delicious.

'You really are a good cook, Pyro' I complemented him.

'You're flattering me' he said with a boyish smirk on his face and snitched some tomato from my plate.

'Why, help yourself Sparky'

'I just wanted to make sure it is indeed edible' He chuckled licking his finger. 'Though I have to admit there's one thing I'm even better at than cooking'

'Is there anything you left out last night?'

He eyed me heatedly then came to me, lifted me up and took me back to the bedroom upstairs despite my vehement protesting. He laid me on the bed and got on top of me then started to kiss my neck. It was easy for him to go downward on my body, he didn't even have to fight the buttons on the shirt to open it, as I myself tore them off last night.

'You've been a really bad girl Rose' he said and hold my hands down with his above my head.

'Be careful Ozera, I can still beat you'

He chuckled then turned back to pampering me.

* * *

I got out of the bed and shamelessly walked to the other corner of the room to collect some of my clothes.

'You really shouldn't walk around naked, you know'

'Or what?' I smiled at him waggishly and disappeared into the bathroom.

I stepped into the shower right before he got into the room, his eyes heatedly piercing into mine as he walked gracefully naked toward me.

Man, our training sessions did their job, he got an amazing body.

'I'll show you what happens when you don't behave like a good girl' he said leaning against the glass door of the shower.

I splashed him suddenly with a jet of cold water catching him off guard. He seemed to be at loss of words while staring at me motionlessly.

'Cool yourself down, Sparky' I said, a devilish grin spreading across my face.

'Remember, you brought this on yourself, Rose' he stated calmly before suddenly grabbing the shower head and directing it at me.

I screamed as the cold water hit my skin and desperately tried to adjust the water temperature. As he felt the water get pleasantly warm he stepped in next to me and hugged me close to him, managing the both of us to stand under the water spray.

'I love it when you're all wet' he whispered into my ears and I found my hands automatically wrapping around him.

'I love you' I told him, in that moment it felt like nothing else mattered in the whole world.

'I love you too'

* * *

I was sitting on the bed curled in a towel, watching Christian getting dressed for our walk. I was thinking whether I should wear my dress from last night -which would be a little too much for a walk in a park- or ask him for something to wear. Even my underwear was torn.

'You do realize, that I don't have anything to wear, don't you'

He stopped for a minute and gave me a weird glance at that.

'Check that door' he said indicating a walk-in wardrobe with his head.

I stepped in and found a cream colored floral dress hanging there with a pair of flat scandals underneath. On the shelf next to them were beige panties with bra, a black sports bra, black leggings with matching T-shirt and sneakers for training. Wow, Christian did think of everything. I had a hard time imagining him shopping for these in a rush - while I was training with Dimitri - then bringing them here. Furthermore, it's not that easy to arrange a shopping spree out of the wards, and he needed to take guardians with him. Meaning it wasn't an effortless gesture to get me these clothes. And yet, he didn't act like it was a big thing or expected me to thank him. I loved that about Christian, he never was one to brag or to emphasize how much money he had. He never told me about this flat or the car he got for instance. Also, he never acted like most royals, constantly indicating how they come first. He always treated us like equals.

I put on the dress and emerged from the room aligning my hair.

'You look beautiful' he said staring at me.

'Thank you for the clothes, Christian. You really have a great taste' I chuckled, not to mention he knew all my sizes...

'Lets go' he offered me his hand and we took off.

'Aren't you afraid someone's gonna see us?' I asked him after walking for a few minutes in silence, hand in hand on the neighbor streets.

'I don't think anybody is out here. My parents bought this apartment to be away from anybody at court' he answered indifferently.

'Do you come here much?' Stupid question. He couldn't come here much as he couldn't leave the academy much.

'No. Tasha comes here a few times to meet the charlady. I've only been here once since...'

I nodded, I didn't want him to finish if he felt uncomfortable saying those words.

'Do you miss your mother?' he asked.

'Honestly, I don't know. Any time I meet her, she is so distant and cold to me... I don't even feel like she's a mentor to me. When I was younger I tried to keep my distance from her because I thought I'll get disappointed when she leaves me again.'

'And now?'

'I know whatever I do I'll always love her, she's my mother after all. But I also know not to expect anything from her, not to get attached to her. She let me down too many times. Stating she isn't cut out to be a mother is a huge understatement'

He chuckled at that.

'I don't remember much of my mother. Nor my father for that matter. Some say things about me because of what happened to them, what they did, but that night is also fuzzy in my mind. And I don't really try to recall it completely. I don't want it to be the last thing I remember about them'

I didn't know why he told me all those things but I was glad he did. Lissa always said how he never really opened up to her. A weird kind of satisfaction and pride ran through me at the thought of him talking about his past willingly to me. I didn't want to push him further though, no need to ruin this little amount of time we got together.

'When do you have to go back?' I asked after he hadn't talked in a while.

'Tomorrow morning. I'll have classes again. Is that okay with you?'

'Of course. I won't have duties until tomorrow either'

'So we're training later, right?' he sounded so enthusiastic.

'Sure, if you don't mind getting beaten on such a lovely day' I chuckled.

'Hmm-hmm. Hey Rose, would you like some ice cream? ' he pointed to a pastry shop.

'Well, maybe just this once' I said thinking of how this day had to be onefold and extraordinary.

He laughed at that and went to get me some.

* * *

We were laying side by side waiting for our breathing to get even after a round of insane sex. None of us were talking for a long time and I already thought he had fallen asleep when he broke the silence.

'Have you played with the thought what it would be like?'

'What?'

'If this was real. If this could go on for however long we want without anybody having problems with it' he said staring at the ceiling.

I was drawing uncharacteristic patterns onto his chest, then turned on my back and was dreamily staring at the moving lights infiltrating from the street onto the ceiling.

'You know this can't be'

'But I want it' he said turning onto his side to face me. 'I need this'

I looked him in the eyes not knowing what to say. It would be a lie telling him I didn't think about that. I did it all the time. But we had to face the facts: even if he did broke up with Lissa, I couldn't be with my best friend's ex-boyfriend. Nobody would accept us. And that was a fact that made it superfluous to think about the matter further.

We fell asleep holding each other but not saying any more.


End file.
